Will You? (Perfect Blend #4)

75

I nervously held my hand together as I anxiously eyed the SMC's door. I know I've been planning this proposal the day after I told my friends about it, but I still can't stop the nervousness from overflowing my system.

Shaking for an unknown reason, I roamed around my eyes to checked the whole set-up again. A smile of relief finds its way to my lips when the whole preparation is still on. But my smile is slowly fading when I caught Sakura's looking at me. Hindi ko alam kung anong nangyayari sa kanya at kung ano ang problema niya. But one thing is for sure, may bumabagabag sa kanyang hindi niya kayang sabihin sa aming magkakaibigan.

Upon realising that I already stared at her too much, she gave me a wide smile. But despite our distance, I can see it in her eyes that it wasn't as genuine as she was to our friendship.

Bigla akong nagising mula sa malalim na pag-iisip nang umalingawngaw sa buong coffee shop ang sigaw ng hilaw kong pinsan.

"He's here!" Hunter — my cousin — shouted as he hurriedly went to my back.

I let out a heavy sigh as I held the flower bouquet tightly, calming my troubling heart. I may look like a desperate tigress in the eyes of other people right now, but the hell I care about their judgements. It's not like women aren't allowed to make the move first. It's not like we're not allowed to make the courtship.

As the coffee shop's door slowly opened, every beat of my heart became as fast as a fading light. Kasabay ng tuluyang pagbukas ng pintuan ay siya namang unti-unti kong paglapit sa kanya.

Hindi pa man siya nakahakbang ng ilang hakbang ay natutop na siya sa kanyang kinatatayuan. Sawyer looks dumbfounded as he scans the whole place. After checking the whole set-up, his eyes meet mine. I gave him the sweetest smile I could give him as I continue to come near him. But all the hopes I had earlier slowly turned into doubts.

Ang kaninang kaba na nararamdaman ay unti-unting umapaw sa aking sistema. Hindi ko alam kung para saan ang nararamdaman kong ito. Kung sanhi ba ito ng kasiyahang hindi matutumbasan o may iba pang rason na hindi ko mapangalanan. Pero imbis na pansinin ang kakaibang pakiramdam na ito ay mas pinili kong 'wag itong bigyan ng pansin.

Ngunit, ang kaninang matamis na ngiti ay unti-unting napalitan ng pait. Sawyer eyed me like he doesn't know me in any way. Like he doesn't recognize my presence. Like I was just nothing to him.

But despite the heavy, doubtful feeling, I remain confident. I remain with my wide, sweet smile.

As I finally reached to where he was, I slowly stretch my right hand to handle him the bouquet of flowers. Ngunit imbis na kunin ito mula sa aking kamay, nanatili lang siyang nakatitig sa aking mga mata.

Mahina akong tumikhim para itaboy ang kabang kanina ko pa nararamdaman. Pero imbis na maibsan nito ang nagwawala kong puso, parang mas lalo pa itong lumala. I blinked my eyes multiple times as he keeps on staring at me.

"U-Uhm..." mahina akong tumawa, trying to push away the awkwardness. "I'm... I-I'm so s-sorry if I s-shocked you, but... uhm..." lumunok ako ng malalim, hinihiling na sana mawala nito ang nakabarang kakaibang bagay sa aking natutuyong lalamunan.

"Sawyer..." panimula ko. "W-Will you be my b-boyfriend?" I continued, stuttering.

After voicing out the question I'd been dying to ask him, a sigh of relief unintentionally came out of my mouth. But seconds turn into minutes, he remained his mouth shut so that I can almost hear the sound that my beating heart made. I secretly bit my lower lip as I consciously waited for his answer. Pero halos 15 minuto na ang nagdaan ay hindi ko pa rin nakukuha ang sagot na gusto kong marinig mula sa kanya.

"Oy, magsalita ka naman." I slightly beamed his shoulder, pushing him to say something.

But just like earlier, he remained unbothered.

"Ah... I don't know what you're thinking right now. Maybe you're thinking that I'm a desperate b*tch. A pathetic woman. A crazy girl. But your awful thoughts won't change my mind..." I laughed awkwardly. "I'll still stand on my decision. I'll still stand by what I wanted... And that is to court you." I looked up and stared him in the eyes.

"I know I shouldn't have done this, especially since I am a girl. But let me court you, Saw. Let me take the first move..." I let out a heavy sigh as a sweet smile slowly made its way down to my lips. "Sawyer, will you be my—?" but before I could even finish my word, he already cut me off which caught not just me but also the people who were with us the whole time off guard.

As his words slowly sink in in me, ay siya namang unti-unting paglalaho ng matamis at tunay kong mga ngiti. I hopelessly watched him as he turned his back on me like his words doesn't hurt me.

Habang nakatitig sa kanyang papalayong bulto, hindi ko na napigilan ang pagtulo ng aking mga luha na kanina ko pa pinipigilan. As I let go of the bouquet that I had been holding, my sobs intensified. Nanghihinang napaluhod sa aking kinatatayuan habang marahas na pinapahid ang walang tigil na pagpatak ng aking mga luha.

As I let myself cry like a baby, Sawyer's last word — that slowly broke me into pieces — rang again in my head.

"No. I love someone else."