My Supernova

Reflection

In the Future

I sat in the rain, trying to find myself in the silhouetted reflection of the river, as every droplet disfigured the reflection of my face. It felt different this time. The world seemed more black and white at that given moment without him.

I was too broken to understand how it felt to love,  a cold emptiness echoed through my heart. "I played him and it was fair that he left, how could I expect him to love me for who I am". Love always felt like a chess game to me, either I lose or I win, but all I knew was that I always had the upper hand, the best moves, until he was the one winning at the game.

I feel my throat tighten as tears start forming in my eyes. I look up to the pitch black sky reminiscing my father. Every little girls dream is to have a father that loves them, and treats them as their princess. but my father... my father broke my heart. My first love was supposed to be my father, he was the one who was supposed to have thought me how to love a man but instead he took his bags and left when stuff got difficult. I never learned what a healthy relationship was between a man and a woman, so it was difficult for me to understand the concept of love.

The rain made me feel calm but very alone. Standing on the river pier I remove my soggy wet shoes to feel the cold wet wooden pier beneath my feet. I stayed on the pier for what felt like hours, watching the rain come down. The sound of the rain falling on the water was soothing and it was helping to ease my mind. But I still felt so alone.

I had come to the pier for some time alone, but I hadn't expected the rain. Normally, I would have left immediately, but something about the rain made me stay. I wanted to feel the rain against my skin, to feel the cold wet wooden boards beneath my feet, I just wanted to feel something, something real.
The cold and wetness was a reminder that I was alone in the world. I was completely independent, and the rain was a reminder of that.

I began walking home just to find him standing in the rain with a umbrella looking right through me.

One glance, just one glance is all it took for him  to make me feel like a stranger. His gaze pierced into me so painfully.  I tried to say something, but the words wouldn't come out. Instead,  could only into his eyes, silently begging for him to trust me. I had known him for years, shared countless moments together, but in that one glance I felt like I didn't know him at all.I looked away, feeling embarrassed and ashamed. I quickly walked past him, clutching my shoes tightly in my hands. I didn't want him to see the tears that were welling up in my eyes.

I never saw him again after that moment. He was gone, and I was left with a strange feeling of emptiness. I had felt so close to him, and now it was all gone. I still think of him sometimes, and wonder what happened to him after that glance.