24
Inspired by a true life story
How do I even begin to write this?
Hmm....
No one ever really understands me anyway, so I guess I'm just gonna write this for me and hope that someone gets in line with my motive for writing this along the way.
24...
I don't think I'll ever forget this age. It's been the most defining era of my life so far and there's a lot I want to say.
I'll start from the top!
I FOUND RELIGION AT 24
I'm starting with this one simply because it's been the most defining moment of my life, if my life was a pot of stew, this would definitely be the salt in it. I remember staying up late in the beginning of August, crying my eyes out because of how direction-less I felt at that certain point in my life, especially when I was beginning to feel like the world expected so much from me, judging by the external lense in which they all viewed me from. Everyone started acting different like I'd changed simply because I'd started meeting "big names" and all, I mean, to be very honest, it feels super good to get seen at first, but no one ever warns you about the load of pressure that comes with it. You're expected to look better (so you invest so much money in skincare and outfits), you're expected to act better (so you organize meet ups and spend unnecessarily), let's not talk about family expectations... especially when you're queer. It all took a toll on me, I quit my job, got a new one, started a fashion brand, it went to hell before it even matured...I lost it all at once and I burned out. So I found myself crying one night on my bed, begging for God to help me and voila! He did come, and he began to help me BUT! no one warned me about the pressure that came with being religious too.
BEING RELIGIOUS AT 24
I really hope there's a genuine handbook for young youthful christians, where all the pros and cons of being a Christian is detailedly noted without obstruction. If I ever thought that the pressure of working in ShowBiz was stressful, then I think giving my life to Christ can be officially placed at the top of it all to be honest.
PS! I'm not discouraging anyone from giving their life to Christ, I'm genuinely letting everyone know that it's not a walk in the park, especially if you've treaded the kind of roads I've had to tread at a young age up to 24. It...is...not...easy. Read that again and soak it in because I ain't even capping. I've gone from spending hours reading the Bible to praying naked in the middle of the night to telling everyone I know about Heaven, to even starting a book about heaven! NOTE! This was just at the beginning stage. Now, I find myself doing the things I used to do in the past BUT! with the strong conviction of God still In my heart, and I know this might not make any sense to most of you, but I'm sure it does make a lot of sense to Justin Bieber, Kanye West and Selena Gomez. I mention this people because they've openly given their life to Christ yet, they're back to being their authentic selves. The road to religion isn't easy, trust me and it's a lot of mental struggle, it's a lot of conversations, it's a lot of discovery, it's a personal race. I've gone from feeling special to feeling like shit, I've gone from feeling spiritual to going diabolical, I've gone from confusing spirituality to whatever the hell I was doing, I've gone from having my shit In a box to losing it completely. Being religious at 24 might just be the best or the worst idea ever, I guess I'm still about to find out.
I GOT CUT OFF FINANCIALLY AT 24
I don't think I like to admit much that I'm privileged, but I actually am. I used to get a sizeable amount of allowance monthly by my dad and I would even have the nerve to say it was small, I didn't know what I had until a couple of months ago when I stopped receiving these stepends. At first, I got really scared and man! The panic attacks hit me like a shock wave, but thankfully, God has always been there to support me. To be honest, this part has been more good than bad. I think I really needed to stand on my own. I'm just sharing this to let y'all know that it's been one of those things that's been having me depressed. Adulthood is really a scam, religious people afraid of negative utterances just hate admitting this fact.
I have to work, to be continued...
YOU ARE READING
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