KIBA ; STRAY KIDS

40 ; KIBA

Our schedules had been really full recently. It was to the point where we had something to do every day - and today was no different. We had a show to perform to a live audience today and I was super excited. Performing live was always a blast, even if it ends up sweaty and hot.

For the show, I was wearing all black which isn't surprising. Black shoes, black pants and a black velvet shirt which had an open bit at the chest. I was also wearing a corset belt, and the shirt came with a velvet cape and gloves which went up the arms. My hair was tied up half up and half down since it was getting long again, and my makeup was dark. (See the top for photo inspiration.)

Something happened yesterday which I haven't told anyone about because I was pretty nervous, and I wasn't totally sure if I was correct. My phone rang yesterday, and it was that weird number which rang a few months back. I answered it this time.

I wasn't totally sure but I think the number belonged to my dad. I have no idea why he's trying to call me but once I heard a grunt which sounded like him, I ended the call. I didn't really know how to think so instead I had a panic attack in my bathroom while the others were chilling in the living room. My homophobic father who kicked me out at 16 was trying to call me...

"You ready Kiba?" Chan asks as he came up to me, he was wearing all black as well but a crop top.

"Yep." I answered in English, and he patted my arm before going to check on the others before we go on stage.

After the breakup, I found myself sticking to Chan a lot. I don't know why, but the comfort Chan brings to me makes me feel safe and loved. I really liked Chan. He always babied me, and I have to be honest, it feels nice to be babied. I heard people like that if they have a fucked-up childhood...

I had been doing good, again, surprisingly. I really thought the breakup would fuck me up more, but maybe I hadn't really loved Seungmin. I hated thinking that because I was truly happy with him, but I thought I would miss him more. Although, I don't think I've had the time to miss him with schedules being full and the hyungs surrounding me all the time because I had been depressed for a few weeks.

Seungmin has been doing fine as far as I'm aware. He kind of talks to me, a few words but none with meaning. It's the least I could ask for from him after the shit I put him through, and I won't ever force him to like me as a friend.

Another thing happened to me as well. I was the news of Korea the other day. Apparently, I had been added to the list of most handsome men in the world this year. Now, that did surprise me.

"Alright, let's go Stray kids." Chan shouted out and we followed him to fit our microphones and do the final touches before we headed on stage.

There was immediate screams and I smiled at the crowd full of little balls of light. We got into position to perform God's Menu first. After God's Menu, we performed Back Door and a few other songs. Then it was kind of free for all as we sang. I decided to wonder the stage while singing and look at the Stays close to the stage.

"KIBA!"

"KIBA OVER HERE!"

"YOU LOOK SO GOOD."

I smiled at the crowd and waved at them, I threw a few hearts out and just tried my hardest to talk to all of them with my hands and my smile. I saw a poster and I squinted to see it better. It was a funny photo of me in a weird pose edited onto a vogue magazine. I laughed and reached out to grab it from the girl in the crowd.

I laughed as I saw it better. I was in a super suggestive pose where my back was arched weirdly, and my face was strained in pain. I decided to hold it in one hand and reach out for her phone which she was telling me to grab. I took a quick photo as I sang my line quickly, and I posed with the poster. I then took another with her in the background. I handed her the things back and held my hands up and bowed in thank you.

I wandered off to a different part of the stage, and a flower was thrown on stage. I stopped as I looked at the rose, I smiled and picked it up. I looked into the crowd and a girl had a bunch of roses in her hands. I thanked her and put it carefully behind one of my ears. I thanked her and walked over to the group who was getting ready to do a little bit choreo.

I kept the rose in my hand as we danced, and I made sure none of the petals fell off. Once the dance was done, we did our bow and said our goodbyes to the crowd and to Stays who had cheered for us so loudly. I blew kisses as we walked off stage and I accidently bumped into Chan who was letting the younger ones down the stairs first.

I handed him the rose and kissed his cheek before descending the stairs.

And that was a performance I really enjoyed.