Songs To Sing- John Frusciante

10

July 23, 1991

John

Pencey was up shivering the entire night.

Her bed was comfortable, sure, but it didn't feel right. It didn't feel like it did the night we had stayed here, late after a show and she drunkenly wanted to show me around. It was a sizeable apartment for Los Angeles, high above the sunset strip. She'd told me that she'd always wanted to live on the strip as a kid, and even did a groupie stint in the mid-80s before joining Jane's Addiction.

Completely illegal? Yes.

Completely badass? Also yes.

Here I sat, then, half awake in my girlfriend's bed while she was suffering the most intense withdrawals I had ever seen someone go through in the other room. She wanted nothing to do with me at the moment and told me she just wanted to ride it out and would come back soon. But that was at midnight, and it was 4:36 now. She was a mess.

But I'd signed up for this. Truth be told, I knew it was coming.

I had never gone through withdrawals like she was. I didn't use often, so it never hit me hard. Please, God, never let me get like her.

I flipped onto my side, sighing deeply and closing my eyes. Footsteps filled the room, and I turned to the other side. Pencey's blonde hair was slightly matted and sticking up, her bangs nearly teased up from holding them back. She smiled weakly in the dark. "Were you waiting up?"

"Just couldn't sleep. You were loud."

She chuckled softly, crawling into bed slowly next to me. Her head fell on my chest, just below my chin. "Thank you for being so supportive and kind, babe. Appreciate that."

"You love me."

"I guess I do."

The room was silent except for the clubs down the street, loud enough for us to hear through her window. Our window. I traced circles into her side, feeling her breath rise and fall. "Thank you."

"For what, Penny?"

"Deciding to live here on such short notice. I literally asked you this morning."

"You really thought I would tell you no?" I asked, eliciting a tired chuckle from her. "You're so out of my league, I have to do everything you ask just to stay in your life."

She rose onto her shoulders, hazel eyes locking with mine. "I'm out of your league? I'm the one who fucking died last night!"

"Exactly. There's nothing hotter than a girl who's beaten death."

Her brows furrowed. "You're-"

"Darling, I'm constantly reminded by my lovely bandmates about how gorgeous you are compared to me. You really should think about modeling."

"You think so?"

"Of course, I think so. Or you should at least do, like, a photoshoot for a magazine." She fell silent, looking away. "What? No?"

"I guess I forgot to tell you."

"Are you secretly modeling for Victoria's Secret or something?"

"God, no. Not yet, at least. Rolling Stone has me doing a photo shoot in two weeks for an article they're running on bass players in October."

My eyes widened, making her smile. "Really?"

"Mhm."

I pulled her face closer to mine, feeling her exhale as I kissed her. "I love you more and more with each word that comes from your stupid mouth," I mumbled against her lips.

***

Pencey

"John?"

The apartment was seemingly empty, and fair enough. The Chili Peppers had a gig in town, and I had been out all day. It felt like even though we lived together, John and I were never home at the same time.

"John?" I called out again, met with silence. I shuffled into the kitchen, poking my head into the fridge, deciding there was nothing of great excitement. Another apple for dinner will have to do.

Since I'd stopped using, I had been eating less and less. I didn't know what was going on, but I knew it was somewhat bad because, at the photo shoot, they had to hem my clothes on the spot. I'd given them my sizes a month ago.

Right as I settled on the couch, the front door's handle jiggled, making me jump.

Please don't be-

"Hi, sweetheart." John looked exhausted, but his presence soothed my nerves.

"Anyone follow you up?" I asked as he put his guitar by the door, walking behind the couch to kiss me on the top of the head.

"No. Why do you keep asking that?"

"No reason." Totally not because I know at least 3 people I owe more than my rent.

"Well, you can stop asking. No one's going to come up here but me." He kissed my head again, and I fake-gagged.

"You stink! John Anthony Frusciante, go shower. Now." I pointed to the bathroom door, watching his scowl grow.

"I can't even kiss you?"

"No. First off, my makeup looks good. Second, you reek. Shower." He huffed in response and started into the bedroom, my body settling into the couch after the day I'd had. Between nearly getting into a fight with Perry in the dressing room over the phone and being in a stylist's chair for 2 hours, I was spent. Before I could fully relax, however, John's footsteps picked up heavily, stopping right behind the couch. I whipped around, eyes wide as a bright flash went off. I squeezed them shut after, blinking. "What? John-"

"Because you need to remember you're beautiful. You're acting like you don't believe it."

"Because I don't right now. I'm tired. Spending 2 hours in a makeup chair makes you feel uglier and uglier, did you know that?"

"I didn't." The film flowed out of the camera, and he shook it in the air, letting it develop. "Do you want to see it?"

"Not really." I rested my head on the back of the couch, looking up at him as he watched the small rectangle. His expression changed, a small smile falling on his face. "Well, now let me see it!" I reached for the picture, and he moved it out of my reach. I whined.

"No. You said you didn't want to see it." He dragged out his words, trailing slowly to the bedroom for me to follow him. With the energy I could muster, I jumped on his back, reaching at his outstretched arm. He held me easily due to my small frame, so he walked with me on his back like it was nothing.

"John," I whined again, blowing hot air into the crook of his neck in an attempt to sway him. It didn't work. I climbed off his back and circled him, finally grabbing the picture out of his hand quickly. The feeling of his eyes on me hit me as I looked at the film.

For the first time in my life, I thought I looked beautiful.