Songs To Sing- John Frusciante

14

November 13, 1991

Pencey

John was silent the entire car ride to the party.

I'd dragged him all the way out to San Fransisco for the weekend while we waited for our belongings to arrive at the new house, looking to finally spend some quality time with him after spending most of my days in the recording studio, finishing up the album. It was due out on Christmas, and I knew he was proud of me, but at the same time, I knew he was somewhat upset that I'd hardly spent any time with him.

The house had stressed the hell out of him, being left after the sudden passing of an uncle he barely knew. The day he'd gotten the deed, we knew we were going to live there. We hadn't been together long, sure, but we knew.

Someone had to live there.

"John, baby..."

"Hmm?" He looked away from the window, which he'd been staring out of for the past 15 minutes.

"You're lost."

"Sorry."

I looked over at him, a soft smile spreading across my dark red lips. "You alright? You've been quiet."

"I missed you."

"Yeah, I knew that. Seriously, what's going on in that head?" I pulled off of the freeway, closer to the suburbs where the party was.

"Just thinking of songs."

I nodded, attention going back to the road ahead. "You thinking about doing solo stuff, too, or just Chili Peppers stuff?"

"Solo. I've been thinking about it for a while."

"I'm sure it'll be better than most people's solo stuff. You should go for it. I know so many people who would buy it."

"It's not better than your's I promise."

I chuckled. "We're here. Get your head out of the clouds. Maybe you'll find someone who'll give you a deal here."

"At a party with a bunch of art heads? I don't know about that." We both stepped out of the car, and he leaned on the hood as I straightened my hair. "Are you sure you want to go in there? I mean, what if you get offered something?"

John still wasn't aware that I was using anymore. Sure, it was bound to come to a head, but for now, it best to keep him blissfully unaware.

"I'll say no. Promise." An empty promise, at that. The reason I had dragged John here instead of going out to a nice dinner or staying back at the hotel was that I knew that there was gonna be good stuff here. New stuff. I needed a change of pace.

I took his hand gingerly, leading him inside the two-story unassuming house. Sure enough, we were greeted with a strong puff of smoke, and it almost looked like the entire house was on fire. John coughed, making me laugh before I saw the first person I knew. A girl with oddly dyed chestnut hair and eyeliner almost to the ends of her face over bright blue eyeshadow.

"Hi, Tonya," I smiled as she reached out to hug me. Tonya was a sweet girl I had met in high school, and still as wild as she was then. She was a hardcore stoner back then and got me into smoking, but it looked like she was into worse things now. She was skinny as a stick, and her bones stuck out oddly under her bright yellow dress.

"Pencey, it's been forever! Been living the high life?" She winked.

"Um, yeah, I guess you could say that. This is, uh, this is John." I moved aside to let them shake hands, nudging John on the shoulder. "Flea's here, babe."

"She's what?"

"No, Flea is here. In the corner. Go say hi."

"Are you sure?"

I furrowed a brow at him. "I can handle myself. I'll find you later." I gave him a peck on the cheek and sent him on his way, turning back to Tonya.

"Do you still use? My friend Trey has got new stuff upstairs."

I shifted, looking back at John, who was now in full conversation with Flea on the other side of the living room. 

"Show me."

***

Sure enough, a half-hour later, I lay on the floor of one of the bedrooms, Tonya sprawled out next to me. Trey was in the other room, a tall, lanky guy with long black hair who, despite his scrawniness, scared the crap out of me. Two needles laid between us, the kit she had gifted me not long before near my arm.

I hadn't even bothered to untie the shoelace that tied my arm off, I was that high.

She had helped me through all of it before shooting up herself, talking me through it, believing I was afraid of needles.

I had reassured her, though, I knew what I was doing. My mom is a nurse, for God's sake.

"Tonya?" I asked, voice drawn out and tired. She stirred, head picking up slightly to look at me.

"What?"

"Do you have money?"

"I already paid. I'm out."

A pit settled in my stomach. "Tonya, I don't have money. I already have 15 decks put away."

"Can't that Jim guy pay?"

I scoffed. "John? He doesn't know I do this kind of stuff. Hell, I didn't know I did this kind of stuff. I can, um..." I thought frantically. "I can pay him back when my album comes out. Next month. Christmas. I'll have his money-"

She looked at me with wide eyes, then at Trey. "You'd better go. I'll distract him."

"Why?"

"He's not happy when he's owed."

Shit. I watched her get up and go into the next room, stroking Trey over the shoulder. She nodded at me, then began speaking to him. I couldn't hear what she was saying, nor did I care, because she was saving my ass right now.

I scrambled down the stairs, clutching my purse tightly. I found John on the couch, still talking to Flea. I tapped him frantically on the shoulder, making him turn sharply. "What's-"

"We have to leave."

"Why-"

"John, we just have to leave. C'mon." I dropped the car keys into his hand, waving quickly to Flea. He had to have known what was going on.

John followed me out of the house, silent again. He probably figured it was another paranoia fit, but this one was paranoia becoming real. I could wind up dead if this guy ever found me again. He didn't speak until we wound up near the hotel. "Is everything alright?"

My chest still felt tight, yes, but I felt better knowing we would be leaving San Fran in the morning. "Better. It was just another fit."

One of his hands trailed over, taking mine gently. "You know I'm not going to let anything happen to you, right? Not in a million years. Not as long as I'm around."

"I know, but..." I trailed off, looking out the window like he had on the way there.

"But what, sweetheart?" "But what if it isn't in your control?"