My Secret Shadow

5

"There's a shadow I see sometimes..." I start, looking down at my locked hands. "He doesn't have a name, I can't see his face, I can see the outline of his body but I dont know what he looks like. He used to scare me, I was so petrified id have panic attacks. But something changed. Can I have paper and pen?" I look up finally. She smiles and hands me a notepad, pencil, and pen. "I started dreaming and he appeared in them. There was another one. A male, at least it sounds like a male. I haven't seen this one, but it keeps screaming for me. Telling me to look at it, that I need to see it, it keeps screaming my name.

"At first it sounds calm and peaceful, then it sounds mean like it wants to kill me. Shadow always shows up, he'll cover my eyes so I dont see it, he tells me that all the voice does is want to hurt me. He says it will hurt me, and he's there to protect me. Last week after our appointment, I went home and talked to him. But I wasn't dreaming anymore, I was awake. We just talked. He said he was proud of me, that im doing better," I look up at her. "He said that he knows who I am and that I know him, I just can't remember him," I look back down and continue drawing. "I tried to ask so many questions, but I got no answers. I want to know who he is and why he keeps showing up."

"It sounds like he's keeping you company."

"I dont know. He says he wants to protect me," I press the lead down, then use my finger to shade it out. "It feels like he's protecting me. I guess that can be considered keeping me company."

"So this shadow knows you, but you dont know it?"

"Shadow told me he's always watching me, he's been protecting me since he saw me. His name is Shadow, he said to call him that."

"Okay. Did Shadow say who he's protecting you from?"

"It. Shadow is protecting me from It. That's what he called It. The voice. It."

I look at the final result. Shadow. Exactly the way I see him.

"Would you mind if I get a copy of Shadow?" She asks leaning over to look.

"Yeah, but I want to keep it."

--

"My dad's picking me up today," I grab my bag.

"Oh, would you mind if I talk to your father for a second?" I hesitate. "Everything is confidential, I wouldn't ever tell him or anyone what we talk about in here, I promise."

"Okay," I stand. "Do I tell him to come in here?"

"I can follow you out," She gives me a warm smile and hands me back the drawing of Shadow. So she follows me outside and to my father's car, my father steps out of the car. "Hi, are you Damien's father?"

"I am," He smiles and shakes her hand, I sit in the car. "It's nice to meet you. My work normally keeps me long nights and days, I'm hardly home sadly, but I try as much as I can."

"I understand. I don't want to eat up your time, but I would like to ask you some things," she lowers her voice, guiding my father inside.

I sigh and close my eyes, my head falling back into the headrest. I don't know how much time passes until I woke up down the street from our apartment.

"Hey kid, tired?"

"A little. I can go to school, it's okay."

"No, you're staying home the rest of today. you look drained, stay so we don't have to worry okay?" He pats my head, just like Drake does.

I agree and we head into the apartment, I lay on the couch and sleep. I wake in the forest from before, I frantically look for Shadow, but he's nowhere to be found. I lay under the same tree from before, waiting for him to show. I stay there for what felt like hours until my name was called from the distance. My eyes shoot open, I didnt realize they were shut.

"Shadow!" I call out, but nothing. I stand and walk forward. I walk for miles down a path through the trees, but my legs never ache. I keep calling for him, but he never shows. Instead, My eye catches a structure hidden behind the trees. I feel drawn to it. "Shadow, are you here with me?"

"Keep going Damien," He says, he sounds far away. "Keep coming to me."

I follow his voice, heading away from the path and into the trees. As I get closer, I realize it's my high school. I swallow and march to the school, I walk around the bricks and to the entrance. I open the doors and Shadow is standing in front of me.

"Nice job, you found me," He sounds happy.

"Why my school?" He doesn't answer but turns and starts walking, I follow after. "I dont see you for a week and suddenly you're dragging me around my school?"

"Our school," He grumbles, I pause. "Come on, Damien. Almost there."

"You go to school here, does that mean you're my age?"

He's silent, so I take that as a yes. He cants directly tell me but he's giving me hints.

"This is your locker right?" His hand gently presses against it. "1060."

"Yeah, so this is how you've met me?"

"No. Not the first time we met. Not the second, or the third. But the 4th."

"Where was the 1st?"

"I can't show you that today, you're energy is draining fast. We won't have time," He turns to me.

"My energy? So, when I see you in my dreams, im not sleeping?"

"No, you are sleeping. But, when you wake up, dont you notice how you feel like you didnt get any sleep? Your body is asleep, but your mind is still working to communicate. And, I want you to rest well."

"So are you saying goodbye? No, you can't be," I glare at him. "It's my energy, I decide how to use it. I'll talk to you as much as I want to."

He laughs and grabs my hand.

"Seeing you at school is different than this. You're so reserved normally, but here you're not afraid."

"Who said im not afraid? Because I am, I am scared. Im trying to understand what the hell is happening right now, I'm trying to understand who you are, I'm trying to understand who I am. Of course, I'm scared. Im scared that It will come back and you won't is there, I'm scared that you're just going to disappear again. "

"Damien, you need to sleep. please, just go to sleep."

"No, you're gonna disappear again."

"I'm always watching you, Damien, I'm always here for you. I'm not going away, I promise."

I shake my head, but I do end up feeling tired. I sigh but agree, I sit on the school floor, below my locker. I let sleep pass over me, then I wake up in my bed, the sun shining through the window.