Waking up the following morning, when the phone beneath his pillow began vibrating and sounding with the jingle that sent panic running through his body, was more arduous than usual. The sky outside was still dark, a violet gradually brightening with the promise of day, and as Austin raised his head lethargically, peering up through the gap in his hastily closed curtains, he couldn't work out why he felt so unbelievably bone tired.
Before the sound of the alarm had chance to bleed through the walls and wake the listless students sleeping in the other rooms, Austin reached under his pillow and silenced it. He could hardly see through his bleary eyes and his body felt heavier than usual. Even his sinuses felt swollen.
He waited until steam was pouring out of the shower door before he stepped in, and as his vision became fogged, his mind began to clear. He paused, clutching an upturned shampoo bottle. Memories of the previous night flooded back.
He had arrived back late, with his train turning into the station as the final trains of the night began pouring out. There had been delays affecting most of the region, for some nebulous reason pertaining to the weather, and as he rubbed shampoo into his temples he remembered a somewhat apathetic young woman standing beside him as they exited out into the streets. He had turned away from her for a moment, trying to track down the location of the nearest women's shelter on his phone, and in that brief moment before he could turn back to her, she had disappeared into the night, carried away by the raucous crowds.
It should have been a relief, he thought somberly, trying to compose himself as the water ran down his face. Except, she had run off still wearing his parka.
It was just a parka – just a stupid, bloody parka. He didn't understand why he was ascribing so much sentimental value to it, but suddenly he was standing there motionless, staring at the wall in front of him, as that piercing sense of having experienced injustice cut through him.
He had fully intended to help her - take her to people who had the resources he lacked. From the moment he had engaged her at the station he felt responsible for getting her somewhere safe, and it would have wounded his own sense of morality to do anything less. Instead, she had gotten rid of herself. That part didn't bother him. If she had been adamant she was going somewhere and she didn't want him, a stranger, to know where that somewhere was, he would have let her go. All he would have asked was that she return the coat - subzero temperatures be damned.
Hastily, he finished his shower, and cut the water. Something felt different this morning - he was distracted and irritable. It didn't occur to him until much later that day that it had been the first morning in months which had begun without that deep sense of unease and dread as he reached over to find the pillow next to his was vacant. The grief he experienced upon discovering the last few months had not been a terrible dream as he lay in bed at the start of each day had been robbed from him. Now he was practically incandescent as he dressed under the artificial lights and stormed down the stairs.
It was just a parka!
The air outside was dry and biting. It shocked his senses. He had been dimly aware of the change in season and plummeting temperature, but like scum on boiling water, he kept scooping that awareness up and out of the way. Now he really felt it. He didn't like hot drinks, as a rule, which was ironic because he was barista, but he wished he had something warm to hold, like a thermos of his favorite peppermint tea.
Shivering, Austin lit his first cigarette of the day and began traipsing in the direction of the city center. As the buildings grew in height around him and his vision gradually became more cluttered, he couldn't help but wonder if that idiotic girl, with her bare feet and skimpy dress, had even survived the night. The streets were eerily quiet on account of it being a weekend, but he kept his eyes peeled until the moment he turned into that familiar alleyway and through the back entrance of the coffee shop. Already the smell of coffee was clinging to his nostrils, while freshly delivered boxes cluttered the hallway. She could be dead by now. Murdered or frozen stiff in some alleyway, blue skin and all.
YOU ARE READING
Fallen Ash
Fantasy* Complete * Book one in a series; can be read as a standalone. Austin has lost almost everything. On the day his girlfriend was declared missing, his whole life seemed to crumble - unable to face his family, or classmates, he has retreated further...
