What It Is (Harry Styles AU)

Eleven (What her family does)

Eleven (What her family does)

 

The change in the heart, the twist of fate. Couldn't fix it, it's too late. - Kodaline

Family for me is complicated to say the least. Most of the time I avoid talking to any member of it or even to talk about them. They do the same. It's a nice arrangement we've got going on: pretending we aren't aware of each other's existence. I didn't know how long that would last, but I was already expecting to end sometime soon.

So far I thought we were doing well doing what we're doing, but apparently my family didn't share my thoughts. They almost never do, that's why I wanted to keep my distance.

Everything for the first time in a very long time was going well in my life. Luke was getting over Rose pretty nicely and going back to being himself, Harry and I were getting closer and closer and even if at first I wasn't too sure about him, now I know for sure he's all I want, Scott and I are getting along great and Harry even trusts me to take care of him when he has to work late, Paz hasn't brought that many guys over and when she does it doesn't bother me as much because now I have Harry... everything just feels perfect.

Only perfect is a terrible thing. For me, that is. For most people when things are perfect they make the most of it and enjoy it, while I just dread the moment when everything will be ruined. I know it's coming. I don't know when or what, but something is bound to ruin the good streak I'm on.

I wasn't all that surprised when on a rainy Sunday afternoon everything came crumbling down.

Harry, Scott, Luke and I were at that little café I met Harry in, drinking hot chocolate to keep warm on a cold, rainy day off. I feel so annoyingly happy just being in their company. I feel like one of those people whom I hate, the ones who love life and are always excited about everything. To be honest I only ever hated them because I was jealous.

Harry and I are holding hands under the table watching in amusement as Luke and Scott bicker over some cartoon show I never even heard of. We glance at each other every once in a while and my heart flutters every time our eyes lock and green ones stare deep into mine as if he knows me better than anyone ever has.

He doesn't though, not yet at least.

Maybe someday he'll be the keeper of all my secrets. Maybe someday he'll know how to push my buttons, how to make me feel the worst and the best anyone has ever had, to have the power to break or mend my heart with a few simple words, to have the strength to hold me together or tear me apart...

Isn't that the whole point of love?

To allow somebody to be your everything, to have all the power in the world over you, to let someone be your home - even if it means that you won't have one if it doesn't work out -, someone who you feel the safest with, yet is the most dangerous person because of all the things he can make you feel with so little effort.

To let go of everything and hand it over to another person.

It's terrifying and I have no idea how so many people are willing to do it. Maybe there's just no escaping it. Even if you try so hard to run away from it like I did there's always someone who'll come into your life and will make you forget all the reasons you had to stop it from happening.

"Have you talked to the pretty girl from the park? Scott asks Luke. He's talking about this girl who was jogging in the park and who Luke started a conversation with. They ended up exchanging numbers but I don't think Luke has really done anything about it yet.