One Day // Daniel Ricciardo

CHAPTER 13

Danny had camped out in his car on my driveway overnight and I had no intentions of letting him inside. He tried a few times knocking and trying to talk to me through the letter box. I didn't want him to come inside, I didn't want him, I didn't even want to tell him I didn't him. I hadn't moved since I came home, baby clothes still hung up on the dryer in the kitchen giving the house a baby powder scent.

I didn't know what I wanted to do with myself. A run would help, it would distract me from a lot and id be outside of the house for a long time but I couldn't leave without facing Danny on the drive and in truthiness I couldn't find a way to lift myself off the sofa and even look myself in the mirror.

My phone was ringing constantly to the point I turned it off, the noise of the tv irritated me so it was turned off also. The house was completely quiet, no baby gaggles, no toys getting thrown around the room, it was horrible.

I decided I needed to leave, I couldn't stay here a minute longer so I dressed myself in running clothes and finally stood in front of the mirror. My eyes were beyond swollen and puffy. When it came to leaving the house, I took the back door option and snuck through my neighbour's garden, I jumped over the wall at the front and started running down the street.

To be honest by the time I got to the street I didn't know if I was running to escape my head or running away from Danny.

I didn't run for long, when I got in to the town I slowed down and tried to blend in with everyone going about their normal days. Some people hurried around rushing to get to appointments or work, groups of young girls stood grouped together in their school uniforms giggling and showing each other their phones. A hen party all dressed up shouted and cheered, making jokes with each other as they ran to catch a train. Completely normal people going about their completely normal lives.

I eventually found a bar that had enough people inside that I could blend in with and not look like a complete outcast sitting alone. I sat in front of the bar and ordered a large wine. A pint of wine would've been an even better option but apparently that's not allowed.

A group of guys around my age were at the bar along from me, they were relatively tame for it being a Friday afternoon I didn't mind them being there. I drank my wine and ordered another quickly.

"Tough day?" The bartender questioned. I never answered him, only gave enough of a smile for him to realise I wasn't in the talkative mood.

I continued to watch what was going on outside, the bar got busier and the people got rowdier.

The more I had to drink the more I engaged in very minor chat from the guys beside me, they would say something 'funny', look at me for a reaction and then go back to their progressively drunken antics. It was like a routine from them.

"Tequila shots for us all and our lady friend who doesn't want to talk but clearly needs a drink." One of them said, leaning over the bar to the bartender.

The barman lay out a line of shots for us and the guy who ordered slid one in my direction. I knocked glasses, said cheers and took the shot. It tingled a horrible feeling and settled in my stomach. "Disgusting, next round is on me."

They all cheered and for the next hour someone else continued to buy a round of drinks. They were completely harmless, none of them tried to flirt with me, just a group of genuine guys who wanted to keep getting the drinks in.

"Thanks for the tip, man, I appreciate it."

I Spun my head around, way too fast for the drunken state I was in and found Danny standing behind me. Apparently after I had turned the music off on my phone, I never turned the actual phone off, I left it on the bar and Danny's constant calling and texting mixed with my completely intoxicated state forced the driver to call him. Message received, if you don't want to be found don't leave your phone in reach of others.

"I'm in trouble." I giggled to the group beside me.

"Come home Jess," His words were gentle, he wasn't angry but more concerned. One hand. Was on my leg, another on the back of my chair.

"Can't you just let me have a drink alone please."

"You don't drink jess and it's not like you've only had one. You haven't even told me what's happened."

"I know you stuck around because of Hallie and I understand that but you have Clarissa now and I don't have Hallie so it's a perfect reason for you not to stick around."

"Come on." He took hold of my arm and pulled me down off the high seat. He grabbed my jacket and tried to walk me out. I pulled my arm away from him and grabbed my jacket.

"I can walk myself out."

I couldn't, I don't know what part of me believed I was able to walk out alone because I wasn't. My legs had left me and standing was an effort let alone walking. When he supported me the second time, I never pushed him off, instead I just tried to focus on putting one foot in front of the other until I got to his car.

The car ride back was silent except from the noise coming from his engine.

"Thanks for giving me a lift home, I'll talk to you another day." I swung the door open but couldn't find a way to get out.

He never said anything, instead just lifted me up again but this time put me over his shoulder and carried me in to the house.

He lay me on the couch, passed me a bottle of water and put a sick bowl on the ground. I blanked out his moans, his lectures about how I shouldn't drink like that alone, how I was too vulnerable to be putting myself in that situation, blah blah blah.

"Whenever I look at you it just proves that they were right not to let Hal come home with me." I said, refusing to look at him as he hung over me. "This is my karma and I just have to live with it."

He kneeled down in front of me, putting himself in my eye line so I couldn't move.

"They said I used Hallie to replace our baby, they said I hadn't recovered mentally, my job didn't allow me to focus on her because she was always with a nanny or at nursery but mainly, they said my Mum had made mistakes in the past but she was reformed."

I said the words almost like I was spitting them out.

"So now I have to prove that I'm a good person before I ever have any chance of fighting for her again but that's fucking impossible. You're an absolute angel, you've been an absolute angel, you deserve the absolute world in life Dan and I've been nothing but dismissive and horrible to you."

"You've protected yourself; you've watched your dad get messed about and you've tried not to do that to me but you never would have we are not your parents."

He stroked the side of my face as tears streamed down.

"I left you because I was grieving completely failing to understand that you also were grieving, who does that?"

"I would wait util I was 80 if it meant waiting for you."

"Someone with a girlfriend doesn't say that."

He shrugged his shoulders, "She didn't like how involved I was with you so it ended almost immediately after it started it's no big deal."

"See!" I shouted loud enough to make him jump, "I mess up everything!"

"Jess the only thing that's a mess right now is you, I would not be here if you messed everything up and honestly, I think they might be right you didn't deal with what happened you were back at your work almost immediately. You went through a massive family crisis and then the death of your dad, you haven't dealt with anything but that's okay, you have time."

"What was I supposed to do? Sit and grieve?"

"Yes."

His answer was so blunt it took me by surprise I didn't know what to say in return. I pulled the blanket up tighter around my chin and wiped my tears away.

"I just miss her."