Wonder (extended) • JiKook •

10 - If only...

I pace around the kitchen, biting my nails, losing my mind as I reflect on the last few years.

Should I just give up? I'm just going to die alone here. It's not like... it's not like anyone would notice. I mean quite literally... I'm the only person on this planet.

I slam my hand on the kitchen counter and scream, "WHY THE FUCK AM I STILL LIVING?!?!"

I'm so tired... I'm sorry, Jungkook.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I...love you.

I rushed to the cabinet containing the knives and grabbed one of them.

"I'm not good for anything, that's all I am... nothing." My vision becoming blurred as I cry uncontrollably.

I clutched the knife to my throat, sobbing until I couldn't breathe and gasping for air.

"J-JUST DO IT, YOU FUCKING PUSSY! YOU'RE SUCH A COWARD, J-JIMIN!!" I sobbed loudly while still holding the knife to my throat, my hands shaking violently.

I drop my hands to my sides and sob again, "I can't do it... why can't I do it...?" As I let myself fall to the ground, I sob to myself, pulling at my hair.

As I curl up into a ball on the kitchen floor, I throw the knife across the kitchen.

I feel so sorry for myself... that's how pathetic I am.

"Please... please... please just make this end...I'm begging you..." my voice trembled as I sobbed even more.

I see Autumn and make the decision to get up, pick her up, and hold her in my arms.

As I approached the window, I let out a few sniffles. I sat on the window ledge, holding Autumn up and pressing my nose against her tiny nose. "Please don't leave me too," I begged as another tear slipped out from my eyes.

Autumn meowed as she licked my nose, only slightly cheering me up. As I gazed out the window, I let her curl up in my lap. I sigh and lean my head against the wall behind me, turning my head to the side to look out the window once more.

I closed my eyes and mumbled, "If only he were here."