Maxine, my darling | Luke Ross

The Talented Mr. Kipling

Emma and I have photography class which is our favorite class but we also have the laziest partner ever. We walked up to Jessie for help

Emma: Jessie, we have a huge problem. Max and I love my photography class!
Jessie: Okay, I know I'm new at this whole nanny thing, but not seeing the problem.
Me: The problem is I got the world's most laziest partner for this assignment.

Luke walked in Ravi's room

Luke: You guys call it lazy, I call it selective participation. Now, Jessie, give me... pouty nanny.

Luke takes a picture of Jessie with confused face

Luke: Okay, that was more like constipated nanny, but I can touch it up. I can't believe I can get school credit for taking pictures of cute girls.
Emma: The assignment is to take pictures of New York's flora and fauna.
Luke: Ooh, I hope those are hot Latin twins.
Me: Do you have an off switch?
Luke: Yep! You wanna try and find it?
Me: Nope.
Jessie: Okay, look. We are going to the park. That way, you guys can work on your assignment, and Ravi can take Mr. Kipling for a walk, or a slither, or whatever he does.
Ravi: No, no, no, no, no, no. We cannot take Mr. Kipling for a walk.
Emma: If Mrs. Chesterfield sees him, she'll throw a hissy fit.
Luke: Yeah, she's the head of the condo board.
Ravi: And a real pain in the ashram.
Me: Yeah, the definition of a pain in the gut.
Jessie: Oh, is she that annoying lady downstairs who's always carrying that homely baby?
Me & Luke: It's a dog.
Jessie:You're telling me. Someone whomped that child with the ugly stick.
Emma: They means it's Chihuahua.
Jessie: It's Chi-hideous. Look, Ravi, I'm not gonna let some old grouch to keep you from walking your pet. We'll just ask Tony to make sure the coast is clear.
Tony: I'm on it!

Tony said on the intercom and Jessie walked up to the intercom

Jessie: Tony, are you eavesdroping again?
Tony: Now that I've looked up for word... Yes.

-an hour later-

We all got ready to go to the park, we got in the elevator

Jessie: All, right! Let's go! Come on, come on, come on. Move it, move it, move it! Go, go, go! Come on! All right.
Me: You have this and you have your camera.
Emma: Yeah.

Mr. Kipling hit me with his tail, I looked down at him
Me: Hey! Keep your tail to yourself.
Luke: Yeah. She's mine.
Me: No, I'm not.

We was about to walk out of the building until we saw Mrs. Chesterfield and we went back in the elevator. Then I smell something and it stinks. Then the elevator opened and we quickly got out and start coughing and Luke was grinning

Me: Luke, You couldn't hold it till we got outside?
Luke: Hey, it wasn't me. It was Mr. Kipling!
Ravi: Oh, sure. Blame the lizard.

-central park-

Luke, Emma, and I was looking for stuff to take pictures

Luke: Ooh! Ha! Cockroach.

Luke snaps a picture of a cockroach and shows it to me

Emma: Luke, help me and Max or I'll tell Jessie that you still sleep with Kenny the Koala.
Luke: Kenny just likes to hang out on my bed. Don't turn it into something ugly.

Emma shoves camera at Luke

Luke: Okay, okay. Oh, man! No way!
Emma: What?
Luke: I can see right into Bertram's room. Oh, he's shaving his own back.
Me & Emma: Ew.
Luke: I wanna look away, but I can't! Oh, good. A giant bird just blocked my view.
Emma: What? Let me see. I think that giant bird is Hudson Valley hawk! This book says they're incredibly rare.

Emma grabs the camera and looks at something and she gave me the camera and I looked at the hawk

Luke: Not as rare as a guy shaving his back with a razor duct-taped to a spatula!

I looked at Luke disgusted and we decided to go home and we went to the penthouse terrace

Emma: Ugh! That stupid hawk won't move.

Then Bertram steps into the terrace, holding a notepad

Bertram: Why have you added 10 pounds of rodent to my shopping list? A sudden craving for mice krispie treats?
Emma: We need bait to get the hawk to fly so we can get an action shot for our photo essay.
Luke: But all it does is sit there like a lump. If it watched Korean soap operas in its underwear, it would be you, Bertram.
Bertram: Oh! Very funny. If you need me, I'll be inside spitting in your lunch. Except for Max's.

Bertram walked away and Emma looked at me

Emma: Why does he like you?
Me: I don't know.

I shrugged my shoulders and Emma shrugged it off. We spend hours at the terrace waiting for that hawk to move. I kept looking at the microscope, Emma went to the kitchen to make snacks and drinks for us and she came back to the terrace

Emma: Get any good shots of the hawk?
Me: Not yet.
Emma: Luke!

I jumped when Emma screamed and Luke exclaimed and fell off his seat and looked at Emma

Luke: Ow!

Jessie and Ravi run out onto the terrace, out of breath

Jessie: Is Animal Control still up here?
Ravi: We lost Mr. Kipling!
Luke: He's not lost. He's right down there. And he looks like he's about to eat Mrs. Chesterfield's stupid mutt.
Me, Jessie, Emma, Ravi: What?!!

Everyone rushes to the edge of the terrace and saw Mr. Kipling. Jessie and Ravi walked out of the terrace and we looked down at Mrs. Chesterfield's terrace. Mrs. Chesterfield tried to get her dog but Mr. Kipling hissed at her and she walked away

from their own terrace, Emma and Luke laughs

Luke: Okay, I'll bet you five bucks the lizard eats the dog and Chesterfield.
Emma: You're on. I bet she tastes as bitter as she looks.

We laughed at Emma's comment and hawk screeches

Emma: The hawk is moving! Give me the camera!

Luke takes the camera and aims it at the hawk

Luke: It's diving straight toward us!
Me: I think it wants the Chihuahua!
Luke: Hey, everybody loves Mexican.

-the next day-

Emma and I enter the kitchen

Emma: This stinks! Luke, Max, and I got an A on our photo essay!
Jessie: What's wrong with an A? Again, not seeing the problem.
Me: The problem is Emma and I did all the work but Luke got all the credit! I watched that stupid hawk like a... hawk all day, and all Luke did was snap one lucky picture!

Luke runs in the kitchen with an excitement in his face

Luke: Hey, did Emma and Max tell you my picture made the homepage of the school website? All my hard work really paid off!

Emma and I attacks Luke and they tussle, shouting

Bertram: All right, all right, all right. Here's dinner. Breast of frog on a bed of wild mice.
Me, Jessie, Emma, and Luke: Ew!

Bertram: Just kidding. It's chicken.

We sighed in relief and Bertram gave us an evil look

Bertram: Or maybe.

We looked at Bertram