Lovers- AWAE FANFICTION

If only she loved me.

       *GILBERT'S POV*

I can't believe I'm getting married next week and it's not even to the love of my life. My soulmate. Not even to my beloved sweetheart.

I like my fiancée, but only in a friendship way. We do not mix at all. We're like vinegar and bleach. Water and electricity. Oil and vinegar. Love and hate.

I am not attracted in the slightest.

I'm expected to have sex with this girl and I can barely look at her face without feeling disappointed that it isn't sweet old Anne.

I wonder what me and Anne's children would look like then I think of mine and Vicky's and feel a strong feeling of sadness.

I guess this world isn't made for sweethearts. It isn't made for true love. It isn't made for happiness. It isn't made for anything but anger and resentment.

TW- MENTIONS OF SH AND SUICIDE

This world can cut you deep and leave scars, sometimes that are only internal and can make your heart bleed. Sometimes it makes me take it out on myself. In places no one could see. Even if they could no one would give half a shit. They're too busy caring about themselves and how their life is and what the weather is today and what they are having for tea the next night.

Sometimes I have the urge to die. It would be like a rest from all the hate I have to endure in this cruel, cruel world. If only I had the courage.

SH+SUICIDE MENTIONS OVER

When I was young I used to dream of my wedding day. Me in a delicate white suit with a light blue tie. My hair  long and flowing. My wife with a long wedding dress with a beautiful veil and Auburn locks flowing with blue eyes illuminating her face. Being able to count every freckle.

Vicky is the EXACT opposite of this. She wants a short wedding dress, no veil and has short black hair. She has not a freckle and ugly brown eyes that makes you want to look at the floor. I'm not calling Vicky ugly by the way, this is just my personal taste and she is NOT my type.

I should confess to Anne and my fiancee before I go ahead with the wedding. I don't think I can bring myself to do this.

I can't do this.

I simply cannot.