009. Trauma

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"Shhh, wag kang maingay ah." I look at my uncle innocently; he ordered me to follow him, and now we're inside the cabinet, and all I can see is darkness. I felt him holding my shorts, so I immediately reacted in shock.
 
 
 
 
"Magagalit po si Mommy," I whispered. I'm only seven years old, and my innocent mind couldn't process what was really happening.
 
 
 
 
"Hindi natin sasabihin," he replied, and I suddenly felt something above my womanhood. He squished it, but he didn't push it inside until we heard a knock.
 
 
 
 
"Oo nga, totoo 'yun!" pangungumbinsi ko sa mga kaibigan ko. I told them about what happened in my Grandma's house, and they didn't believe me because I was laughing the whole time; my mind was too innocent at that time, I guess.
 
 
 
 
"Ara—" I jumped in shock when someone held my hand. I felt my chest slowly tighten as I remembered what happened eight years ago. I was sexually harassed by my uncle, and I had trauma after realising that it was not normal. It's a crime, and as much as I want to hate my younger self for laughing about that and not telling my parents about what happened, I can't because I know deep inside that my dad can kill him after knowing what he did.
 
 
 
 
"B-Bakit?" I asked, breaking the ice. I calmed myself and looked at Josh, my suitor. He looked at me while observing my reaction. I felt uncomfortable, so I just smiled awkwardly and turned my back on him. Hindi pa ako handang buksan ang pintuan ko para sa mga lalaki.
 
 
 
 
At the age of seven years old, I became a victim of sexual harassment, and at the age of fifteen, after making fun of what happened eight years ago, I isolated myself and built high walls against men.
 
 
 
 
And as I turn seventeen years old, here I am writing about my own experience.
 
 

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