You'll Never Know

Back to normal(?)

CHARYEONG POV:

I hated my days at work: long days with no Yeji. Every time I'd look at the clock the seconds turned to minutes and the minutes felt like hours. 8 physical hours but it felt like 28800 hours of mental toil and pain.

Today was no different, it was all crap. Drive to the office the pouring rain and forget your files at home, drive back, get to the office and start work with dirty office-wear and wet files.

"Don't worry about your work today Chaeryeong."

I looked up and my jaw dropped down to the floor, it was impossible... wasn't she dead? Wasn't that what the doctors said? That she let go? Didn't she leave the world? Didn't she ditch the world? All those statements, I guess they were bullshit since here she stood, proud and beautiful, in front of her corner office like nothing had happened.

"Come with me."

I got up and followed her to her office and she swung open the door for me then beckoned me in. Her side-view flashed in my eyes for a second, she was even more beautiful than before despite having stayed in a hospital bed for months. And before you ask: yes, I love her.

"Yeji, what is it?"

She didn't respond but just went to her desk and took the jacket that was wrapped around the chair before cloaking it around me. She looked at me with eyes full of concern darting around my shivering body. No one said anything for a while, the only sound in the room being the sofa creaking as we sat down.

We didn't need to talk.

We understood more than enough already.

"What did you need?" I decided to ask her and she began shuffling around when she heard my question.

"Y-you were shivering... and my room has heating..."

"So does the rest of the building?" I inquired at her statement, it was a curious one, what was she getting at?

"I didn't want you to get cold-"

Oh, so that's all she wanted? You could have argued that I was naïve for my question earlier but I was only throwing out bait which she didn't take. If I was being honest I wanted her to say that she wanted to see me, I wanted her to be blunt about it, to remove any room for doubt. Call me what you like: self-obsessed, selfish, egoistic, heartless, toxic.

I don't care.

Go have your heart and hopes smashed then tell me the same thing! Go lose someone you love!
Go realise that they left before you could tell them the truth or say goodbye! Go do that and tell me the same damn thing!

"Hey... Ryeong, I know you're worried. It's written all over your face but know that I'm alright, okay?"

"What are you doing in the office today, Yeji?"

She didn't respond but she did answer, "Just go home, Lee."

"I'm not going anywhere until I know for sure you are alright."

"I'm fine."

How great it'd be if fine actually meant fine but it doesn't. When some says they're fine it's always because they don't want to accept or confess to the fact that they are not okay. 'Fine' was, is and always will be the opposite of fine. Quits contradictory isn't it?

"Yeah you're 'fine'. You're feeling overwhelmed and you're not alright and that's alright, you haven't slept at all either..." I touched her face gently. "Your eye-bags are extreme, y'know that?"

She brushed off my hand gently and wrapped her hands around my neck and cried. This is the first time I've ever seen her break down like this, she was soft- for once in a lifetime she went soft. I just held her in my arms and caressed her hair softly as she kept on letting out her emotions on my shoulders.

"Ms Hwa- oh, um..."

"Go away, Sunmi, let me enjoy my time alone."

She quickly left then I looked over at her and inquired her remark, "Alone? Should I go then?"

"Ani, we are one. You are me and I'm you. You're my second-"

Second what? Half? There's no way, I wouldn't deserve her.

"Actually, Chaeryeong, leave. You shouldn't be around someone like me."

I crouched down and looked at her in the eyes, her statement was genuine but full of crap. She is the most beautiful person I have ever met: fierce cat eyes, stunning side view and wonderful body proportions. That was all nothing though compared to her personality. Yeji... what can I say about her? She's kind, tough, patient- she's basically the image of someone's rock in their life and I was so lucky to find her.

"Someone like you?" I brushed her tears off. "You are the most beautiful person I know, inside and out."

"I'm not, I'm stupid. I'm mean. I'm cold. I'm a backstabber!" she got up and threw the vase sitting on her desk at the wall.

She sniffled and withdrew back to her desk.

I was stunned, I'd have never even distantly imagined the Hwang Yeji like this. What happened? Did she keep too much inside?

"Lee Chaeryeong! Accept the fact I hate myself! Go! Leave! I don't deserve you, or anyone!"

"Yeji, your wrist it's bl-"

"Just go!"

I think I've made my decision on my goal for the year: Make her feel cared for, I don't care about anything else anymore. Just her.