Confusion (Tronnor AU)

Chapter 4

*Connor's POV*

Troye's mom gave me a warm welcome into their home. She hugged me tightly, almost crushing my chest, and apologised for my loss. I still wasn't able to feel - I was empty, numb - but it gave me a sense of belonging. A sense I had never experienced before in my life.

Of course, I had loved my mom, but we didn't have the strongest relationship. We were never really close; just two people who were related, it hardly felt like family. She was just there, doing the usual mom things, and I took it for granted. And now she wasn't there, she isn't there, she will never be there again. That thought was an odd one - someone I relied on, was gone. Just like that. I was even more alone then I was at the start.

I had my dad, but he was abroad somewhere, most likely England, doing some business shit and he wouldn't be back for years. I had no other immediate family, and my friends were the "popular" kids. We didn't really care for each other, just hung out because we were all essentially the same - alone. We all had our losses, our heartbreaks, our trauma, and we hid our feelings by acting like everything was fine, by being assholes, by being your stereotypical jocks and queen bees. I'm not suggesting people other than the "popular" guys don't suffer from what we do, but they deal with it an a different way. We act this way because it made us forget, because people expect us to behave in a certain way, and if we don't live up to those expectations, then our cover would be blown. Our secret would collapse, and that secret is all that keeps us stable.

None of us "popular" people knew what was wrong with the other, we just knew that there was something. If you look closely, you can see it in people's faces. The way their smile never quite lights up their eyes, or the way their laugh is always slightly thin, or the way they hide all physical imperfections, because hiding those make them forget about the emotional ones. The way people work is an extraordinary thing, and I love observing.

I heard a cough, and suddenly I was brought back to reality. Troye and his mom were looking at me with concern, and I realised I must have been stood there for at least five minutes.

"Oh my God I'm sorry, I just spaced out a bit. Did you say anything?" I tried to apologise, but I just sounded like an asshole.

"Uh, the spare room is up the second set of stairs, and it's the first room on the left. I'll get Troye to show you. I'm just making dinner, so I'll call you both when it's done. Feel free to stay as long as you need, you're perfectly welcome here." Troye's mom smiled at me.

"Thank you, Mrs Mellet." I smiled back at her.

"Oh no, dear, call me Laurelle!" she chuckled slightly, then walked off into what I assumed was the kitchen.

I glanced at Troye, and he was already staring at me. There was something in his eyes, but I couldn't quite figure out what it was. He blinked, shook his head ever so slightly, and started jogging up the stairs. When he noticed I wasn't following, he turned.

"You coming? Or are you just gonna stand in the hall all evening like a dork?"

Troye smirked, and I smirked back, following him.

"So, this is the guest room, where you're gonna be staying. This floor is normally just mine, so my room is the one two doors to the left. The one in between is pretty empty, just a sofa and a couple bookcases. Both bedrooms have bathrooms connected, so we have our own, the door is inside. Uh, I'll leave you to sort your stuff out, just knock on my door when you're done and I can show you around if you like."

After saying that, Troye walked into his own room. I opened the door to mine, and stepped inside. It was pretty huge. The walls were white, like everywhere else in the house, and there was a large bay window opposite where I was stood. In the centre of the wall to my left was a king-sized bed with black covers and thousands of cushions and pillows. On each side of the bed were small black bedside tables, both with a grey lamp on top. On the right side of the room was a door, which I assumed led into the bathroom, a black wardrobe in one corner and a black desk and chair in the other. The floor was pale laminate, and there was a fluffy black rug lay in the centre. The room was monochrome, and from what I had seen, the whole house was too.

I went to sit on the bed, leaving the bag I had brought with me at my feet. The room felt strange, like it was too nice to be real. Troye's entire house was really nice come to think of it. It was massive, monochrome and modern. Mine was tiny, trashy and tacky. My house had six rooms in total, I wouldn't be surprised if this house had five times that amount.

Moments passed, and I couldn't tell if they were seconds, minutes, hours. I decided it would be a good idea to unpack my bag, so I did. I hung my clothes in the wardrobe, put my toothbrush and shower things into the bathroom, left my laptop on the bed and plugged my various chargers into the wall. Remembering Troye had told me to knock for him when I was settled in, I walked over to his room. He opened the door and smiled at me, and I smiled weakly back.

His smile made me think. I barely knew this boy, all I knew was his name and how exceptionally talented he was at music. Oh, and he was gay. I knew three things about him, yet I was staying at his house for God knows how long. For some unknown reason, it felt right. I felt like I trusted him more than I trusted Jord or Kian or any of the rest of my friends.

Troye showed me around his house, giving me a tour of the ground, first and third floors. Like I said, his house was huge. By the time we were done, Laurelle had finished cooking, and we walked into the kitchen. The rest of Troye's family were already sat at the table, and they all turned to look at me. It was intensely awkward, and Laurelle coughed to bring the attention to her.

"Shaun, Sage, Tyde, this is Connor. He's a friend of Troye's, and he's going to be staying here for a while. Make sure you help him feel at home!"

With saying that, Laurelle sat down, as did Troye and I. Everyone started on their food, and had some conversation about the weather or school or something dumb like that. I wasn't listening, I was lost in thought. Thinking about how different things would be now. But would they really be different? Would they be worse? Would they be better? I knew at school, once the word got around, it would be the only thing talked about for weeks. They'd try to give me sympathy, but I didn't need any. I was fine. I was upset, I was empty, I was numb, but I was fine.

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so

i updated again after yet another month ok im so sorry this is becoming a monthly thing idk im busy sometimes and then the rest of the time i just forget or i dont feel like it and i wanna write quality shit u feel

anyway ya i hope you enjoyed and im gonna try and update more frequently because two of my friends from twitter (frantastroye and cloudytronnor << follow them) have asked me to and idk i love this story i just forget about it sometimes

so yeah ok imma leave now but remember to vote and comment and share this crappy lil story with your grandmas cousins niece or maybe your pet lizard it's up to you

bye fam ((: