Help Me Out? (Seongjoong)

~5~

[comments are always very welcome!]

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I try to refresh Jisung's Instagram for the thousandth time today. My data was shit, and I had yet to get the wifi password from Yeosang.

I go to my text messages. Noticing how my father still hadn't answered me from this morning. Was it concerning? Fucking yes, yes it was. By mind went to her next door neighbor's number.

I shouldn't bother her.

She promised to check in on dad three times a week.

My empty room felt crowded, and suffocating. I stare at the off-white ceiling above me. My ears rang. I had nothing to do. I just sat in silence. The weight of everything felt like it was crushing my lungs. Like I couldn't fully breathe. I couldn't get a whole breath in.

I'm gone though. I left. I'm finally gone. Yet I feel like I'm right back home again. Waiting for mom to come home. Wanting my mother to come home. But she never did.

I never stopped thinking about her. I always wanted to know where she went. Did she start a new family? Was she happier without me? Where did she live? Did she miss me?

My mind never failed to get the best of me. Why don't I just leave it the fuck alone. She doesn't care about me. She never did. She wouldn't have left. What does it matter to me?

I'm gone. I'm gone just like her. I left just like she did. And I didn't even tell the one person I loved the truth.

But maybe that's how it was meant to be.

My mother's love was a lie. She didn't love me. But I loved Jisung. But I left him. So, maybe I don't. Maybe I'm lying to myself.

I started college. I made it. I'm away. That fuck I'm away.

But I felt so heavy. Heavier then ever before. I need to get out of this apartment.

I jump up out of bed. Grabbing my wallet, and slide it into my pant pocket, slipping into my doc martens. I almost sprint out of my bedroom only to be quickly intercepted by full force running into Yeosang.

"Hongjoong? Are you okay? I'm so sorry I wanted to ask you if you wa-"
Hongjoong cut off his sentence.
"No. I need out. I want to leave this house. Right now."
Hongjoong shoved Yeosang off of him a little too hard. He heard the hard thud of Yeosang's small body hit the hallway wall.
"Ow! What the hell?!"

Yeosang's protest did not stop Hongjoong from throwing the door open and sprinting down the stairwell. One he was finally outside, standing under the tall apartment buildings. He felt small. But not in a bad way. He felt like he could breath once more.

He walked down the dark street, he admired the pride flags that hung off of some of the porches. A group of obvious partygoers. I dodged people in small dresses, water bottles most likely filled with vodka being flung around, and most of all, covering my ears as they all screamed and yelled over each other.

The realization that they were going somewhere, made me notice that I have no idea where I'm going. There's not like I have too many options here.

I could tag along with these frat guys. Head to the party they were off to. Even if they said no, all it took was one blowjob offer and I'm in.