A collection of poems by a loud mind

Loud thoughts of a quiet girl 3

        No Space for Imaginary Friends

I've always found solace in the silence 

Comfort in the white noise that engulfed 

my surroundings. 

It calmed my mind more than words ever could. 

Sometimes if I focused hard enough 

I could imagine it padding my back when I cried.

It knew more about me than anyone ever could. 

Neither the girls at school 

who through shade with the bats of their eyelashes,

Nor the boys who treated me 

like I was "one of them"

Non of them knew what this imaginary friend of mine saw.

But then anxiety came.

She sat in the corner of  my mind

Never once made a sound,

but the unwavering eyes 

that seemed to stare right into my soul said it all. 

She was the voice that said to me 

I wasn't enough,

The voice that told me 

that it would never be perfect. 

she was the voice that said to me

love was give and take,

that I just wasnt giving enough.

The voice that told me to speak up more

but somehow misplaced my vocal cords 

when it was time to speak.

She held the reins to my confidence,

The wip that left lines on my self esteem.

She put a leash on my trust 

only letting betrayal take it out on walks.

As she let distrust run free,

 Letting it play hide and go seek with my doubt and befriended my fear.

She was the handicap on my relationships,

Sowing lies into the foundations.

always asking if they really cared 

when the highs became a little to high.

She told me to run a marathon with weights on my back,

only to add more every mile.

Anxiety is what woke me up in the morning 

just to question me and say,

      

   "should you really get out of bed right now"

Anxiety was like a twisted joke.

The funny part being,

That looking at anxiety in the face 

was like looking in the mirror 

and regretting your own reflection.

Ironic how my mind was a double sided mirror 

but somehow she had more control over 

"US"

Anxiety leaves no room for the quiet.

Silence was all but a deafening pressure 

when your anxious,

Nothing but more baggage to carry around 

and forget to put down.

Anxiety is both my greatest ally 

And my strongest foe

And sometimes anxiety 

will quiet to mere whispers.

There ate times where she will 

befriend my demons and my angels,

Times when she will leave me alone 

in that quiet place in my mind.

But I knew it would never really last that long.

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So sometimes there are moments we're 

it becomes really quiet and like 

I mean I'm quite fond of the quiet ever since forever 

I've found that being in a quiet environment 

while focusing on small details i wouldn't have noticed if it wasnt silent,

calmed me down. 

but like when I'm anxious silence is like the worst. 

so I made a poem how my anxiety can take control of my emotions 

and even make the most comfortable situations uncomfortable

And take up space in my mind for the simple happy moments 

and the things that bring me joy or comfort 

even if they only last for a minute 

so yeah🙃

[Also I'm not very confident in this poem 

so I would like to know what you guys think]

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