Phantom // Tom -Iceman- Kazansky

Chapter 8

It was another day at the base and we had a hop. But this time we would be wingmen to Maverick. I was in a bad mood even before I heard the news and it only made my day worse. I could barely sleep last night because Mrs Period thought it was a good idea to stop by and say hello. I felt like a ticking bomb, but I didn't know what the outcome would be, lashing out on someone or start crying. I hoped it wasn't the latter.

I was brought out of my thoughts when Hugh put a hand on my shoulder and told me that it would be fine. We then climbed into the F-14 and closed the canopy. I started the engine and rolled out on the tarmac. Talking with the tower I asked for permission to take off before I left the ground. We went flying up in the air and found Maverick. We were up against Jester and Viper once again and I followed behind my brother, looking out for the A-4's.

"Talk to me, Dino." I mumbled and my eyes were searching the sky. Mother Goose's voice then came over the channel and told us that they were 9 o'clock a few miles away. The hunt then began and I followed closely behind. We came up behind them, but not long enough to get missile lock and they split up.

"Let's stay on Viper," Maverick said and I agreed. "Keep an eye on Jester for me, Phantom." We followed Viper through twists and turns, ups and downs. I was only concentrating on Jester, but he seemed to hide from me. It felt like someone was watching me, the hairs at the back of my neck stood up, but I couldn't see him. I couldn't shake the feeling even if Dino assured me that he was nowhere near us. Then suddenly Jester came down behind us and my eyes widened. Steering to the side in order to get away from the missile lock I wondered where the hell he came from.

"Damnit, he's all over me! Come on, Phantom, get him away from me!" Maverick called in the comms and I gritted my teeth as I steered back to Maverick, the shock now gone. Mav pulled away from Viper to get away from Jester. I hunted after them, being slightly to the right and tried to get Jester in missile lock, but damn was he good.

I felt the stress and frustration rise in me as everyone yelled in the comms, Maverick was telling me to get Jester away from him, Goose was panicking as Jester came closer and Dino was yelling that Viper now was on our tail. I just felt like screaming and crying under the pressure but I couldn't because I was flying a $30 million plane at 200, 300 something km/h.

"Jesus Christ! You're supposed to have my back, Phantom. Get Jester away from me!" Maverick called in the comms as I twisted away from Viper. Shut up, I thought, I know what to do. Just a few seconds and I'll have Jester in missile lock. Come on, I thought, just a bit to the left, come on. But being so focused on Jester I forgot about Viper behind me. The beeping sound filled the cockpit and I leaned my head back with closed eyes. Damnit! 

"Well done, now we're both dead." Mav's sarcastic voice filled my ears, taunting me. 

I felt angry tears welling up in my eyes but I couldn't wipe them away because I needed two hands to steer the plane. I wanted to slam something or hit someone.  Heading back to base I knew that I had to get away from everything, everyone and gather myself. Maverick continued to criticize my flying, mumbling how I couldn't do my job. I was used to the criticism but hearing it now felt like knives poking my heart.  As soon as I landed I got out of the plane, ripping the helmet off my head. 

"Phantom!" Hugh called out but I didn't care. The hurt, the anger, the stress, I just felt like it was too much. What hurt the most was that none of the others defended me, not even Hugh. They didn't tell Maverick to shut up or stop commenting on my flying. I wiped my arm over my eyes as I entered the building. But that didn't stop the tears from entering my eyes again and my sight turned blurry. None of them fell though. Too stubborn to let anyone see me vulnerable. I sped through the halls, wanting to get to the solitude of my locker room. The door to my left opened but I didn't look up at the man coming out. A hand was placed on my shoulder, stopping me. Looking up I met Ice's blue orbs and he looked concerned at me. 

"You ok?" he mumbled, eyes searching my face and I tried to blink away the tears in my eyes.I opened my mouth to say something but couldn't get the words out. His breath fanned my face as he took a small step closer, his scent washing over me. It was a mix of jet fuel, smoke and woods.

"That's right, run off to your boyfriend!" Maverick sneered from the other side of the corridor.

"Shut it Maverick!" Ice yelled, anger coating his voice. His eyes flashing dangerously as he stared at my brother. 

"She's got you wrapped around her finger like everybody else. She doesn't care about you, she just wants the attention." Maverick replied bitterly and I felt the first tear slip down my face. Anger mixed with sorrow. I wanted to scream at him, tell him to shut up, tell him that he didn't know anything, tell him that he was wrong, that he was lying. But I couldn't, only that tear escaped me. I was shaking, feeling so pathetic for crying in front of them.  Turning back I left the two men in the corridor, hurrying towards my locker room. I wanted to disappear from all of them. I wanted to deal with my emotions by myself, alone. 

"Phantom! Wait! Helia!" Ice shouted after me as he followed me. The door to my locker room finally came into view and I ran the last meters and pushed the door open. I rushed over to the sink and gripped the sides, breathing hard and trying not to cry. The lump in my throat seemed to expand, blocking my windpipe and suffocating me. Breathe, come on, I thought, get control.

It hit me like lightning. The door didn't close after me. Looking up in the mirror I found Iceman's blue eyes in the reflection. 

"Please leave me alone," I said as I closed my eyes and tilted my head down. I was ashamed of how broken and weird my voice sounded and I waited to hear his retreating steps. But instead I felt him turning me around. His arm went around my waist as he pulled me close and lightly pushed my head into his chest with his other hand. I gripped his shirt and shakily exhaled. He just held me. Stroking his hand over my hair and whispering that it was OK. I inhaled his scent and felt safe in his strong arms. After a few minutes the tears were gone and the burning lump in my throat vanished.

"I don't know why I reacted like this. It's nothing new, people have always criticized me, Mav especially. I don't understand..." I began, feeling so confused and helpless.

"It's Ok to be vulnerable." Ice whispered against my hair and I tilted my head to look at him. For a few seconds we were just staring at each other. His breath fanned my face as I realized how close our faces were and his eyes were searching my face intensely.

"Don't believe what Mav said. He's lying." I begged in a whisper without breaking eye contact. Because it was true, I cared about Ice. More than I wanted to admit. 

"I won't."