Traded In His Misery {Brusnop Remake}

You Are Forsaken

Ben's POV
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It'd been almost 2 weeks, and I was due to leave in the next few days. Danny and James were at James' hotel, and I was left for a while on my own. I saw my phone on the stand next to the bed and sighed, picking it up. I logged onto my twitter and sighed as it exploded with tweets from people. I read through most of them, all of people telling me to get better soon and much more. I bit my lip before deciding to make a video. I sat in a more comfortable position and pulled up my camera on my phone. I began recording a moment later.

"Hello everyone. It's me, Ben. As you can see surrounding me is this white everything, and you might be able to hear all the machines. I am still in the hospital, but I am doing much better. I haven't been on any social media since that day, but I'm alone right now so I thought hey, why not? I thought it'd be nice to hear first hand about that night and what all happened.

So, those who have heard first hand or from others, the day it happened I was on a radio show. On that radio show, I told everyone about my past. When I was very young, my dad started being rude to me and my mum. He wouldn't let me hang out with anyone of the same gender, saying he didn't want me to be gay. If I had a friend that was a guy, he would beat me. At a young age, girls don't like being around boys for normal reasons. So, when I came out as gay, my father started beating me regularly, and drinking. He claimed there was no way he could have ever been the father of a 'faggot.' He started beating my mum, too, claiming he cheating and that is how I was born. My sister was the favorite in the house. She only got beat when she defended me to my father.

Anyway, a few years later, when I was 16, my dad got really drunk one night. He beat me, then left me in my room and said he would finish later. He went downstairs and started arguing with my mum and left me in my room with my sister. After a while, my sister went down and tried to get him to stop. He shot both of them. Killed my mum. I heard him coming up with steps and I tried to climb out the window. I got halfway out when he got in the room. He shot me in the shoulder and I fell out of the two story window." I moved the hospital gown a bit, showing the scar on my shoulder. "Anyway, he yelled out after me that I'd better be dead by time he got down to me. I finally got up and ran. After the longest time, I was in a city. I didn't know what one. I was walking down the street when I ran into someone and fell back. Believe it or not, it was Danny. He helped me up and realized I was bleeding and could barely stand, so he took me to the hospital and fixed me up. They couldn't find my dad though. Danny's parents let me stay with them until it was all settled and they could find my dad. It took a few weeks. Those few weeks were rough. I didn't leave the house, for multiple reasons. I won't elaborate on that story anymore, but yeah... My dad is in prison. Recently, I found out my sister is alive and well, which is amazing to me. It makes me so happy that she's okay. Thats all of the stuff that happened until the age of 16.

So, was it two weeks ago now? The first day of tour. I did a few songs with Harlot because their guitarist crushed his hand. After, when Asking was playing, I said that Danny should come out and do a song. That song was supposed to be Not The American Average. I thought it would be amazing to have him sing with us for one last night. When he got on stage, I was all excited and I was 'This is my fiance!' And some guy in the crowd screamed that I am a faggot. Of all the words, he said the one that was said to me every day by my father. So, when he said it, I panicked and started getting horribly vivid flashbacks. When I got off the stage, I locked myself in the bathroom and smashed a mirror. I used the pieces of class to.... to cut myself. I hit many, many veins and I passed out in the bathroom. They got the door open and I was already losing a lot of blood. I don't think they exactly wanted people to see me, obviously, but it happened anyway and I am so so sorry for those who were there.

Just to clear all of that up, I am not suicidal. I have major PTSD and depression, though. I can't help it. I used to self harm when I was 16, durring the first year after the incident with my father. In fact, I was on suicide watch when I was 17 for two months. I know a lot of you guys have depression, and some of you self harm, bur please don't do it. It not good. It won't help you. You'd think I'd have known that by now. It's not a pretty sight to see. If I could go back in time and make sure that night happened differently, I would. For those who were at the concert where that happened, and those who saw them carrying me out of the venue, I am so sorry. You guys shouldn't have seen it. if you guys are ever sad and want to hurt yourself, just do what you can to not. I love every single one of you, and I don't want you to be sad or hurt. Take it from the guy sitting in a hospital on suicide watch." I thought for a moment before trying to lighten the mood.