Call Me Princess

chapter 25

I felt like I was moving in slow motion. Well not just me, but everyone was. All the patients I dismissed in their beds as unrelated to my current goal of simply getting to him. The families visiting, blocking the hall. The doctors smiling as they spoke to one another. How could they smile? How could anyone smile?

The hospital was busy but I just blurred it out as I walked faster to the room the nurse had told me about. The one that had just accuired a new occupent.

I must have looked some weird way as the the nurses were throwing glances in my direction like I was one the people who belonged in these beds. Yeah I'm sure I didn't look great.

Please. God, please.

As I walked further into the ICU, my brother became visible to me. He was standing outside of a room peering in through a glass window. He was still. A rock. Arms crossed over his chest. His suite straining as he inhaled and exhaled deeply. He must have come from work.

"Deamon"

He whipped his head over his shoulder to meet my eyes. I couldn't read his face. I was hoping I would be able to so I could prepare myself for how bad things truly were. But he was a closed book. I needed to gather my own strength on this one.

My eyes were glued to his. I dared not look inside that room yet. I wanted to break the glass door down and tear my way in but I needed to hear what had happened before I let my emotions get the better of me. Else I would truly loose it.

Damon finally spoke. And his words nearly brought me to my knees.

"Attempted suicide. And it was almost successful."

Air left my lungs and a sound I had never made before escaped me. Like the whimper of a broken animal. I gripped the wall for support and swallowed another sound that attempted to escape.

God, no. How? Why? Please, God, no. Please.

"What's his current condition?" I grated out as I closed my eyes. One step at a time.

"Vegatative. Not fully comatose. They say that's better. It means he can still take in stimuli but just can't react to it. His brain is functioning normally as far as they know. They say the mental trauma of the episode is what put him in the state, not the bullet itself-"

"Bullet?" I cut him off my eyes snapping to his. He nodded. I still couldn't read him. He didn't want me to.

"He found your gun in your closet. Among other things." He watched me.

I bit my lip until in bled.

My gun. My fault.

Is what he thought, I'm sure. He was right of course. I had no right to feel shame.  Only eminse and immovable guilt. And it came. Rushing from just below the surface of my sea of fear.

"Please." I said in a voice that didn't sound like mine. He knew what I was asking. But he would not give it to me. Because he was the responsible one. He always had been. He simply shook his head and finally revealed the disappointment he had been hiding ever so skillfully.

"You will never see him again, Gage."

I crumpled. My knees hit the hard floor with a Crack.

"The hospital had to contact his father. He is on his way. You will be arrested and charged with improper handling of a firearm. With your record, you will go to jail. You WILL serve time. And you will never be allowed near Luca again. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

"Daemon, no, please, his father is-"

"I know what his father is. You let me handle it and stay far away from it."

I would die before I let that monster back into his life.

"But his 18th birthday-"

"Gage!" Deamon barked as he hauled me off the ground and pinned me to the wall. Rage glistened in his dark blue eyes. Rage I had only seen a couple of times in my life.

"Look at what you did to him! It is YOUR fault he is here!" He pointed to the door beside us.

He was right.

"I should have never trusted you to stay clean. And I should have never covered for you all these years. You fucking liar. I aint doing it anymore. From now on, you are on your own." He spat as he turned away from me again.

"Two offciers are coming. They are going to take you. You will go with them amd you will not cause trouble or I will hand the judge your entire fucking file from before you turned 18 and you will not see freedom until you are in your 50s. You will go prison, get clean, serve your time, and get your fucking GED while your inside. It's time for you to grow up, little brother."

I hated him. Even more so because he was right. I was never going to be good for Luca. But I kept him close to me anyway. I was immature. I was selfish. I was a fucking joke of a man. I had no right.

Finally I allowed myself to see what I had done. To see the ruin I had brought on someone who I loved more than anything in the world.

As a stared at all the machines keeping him alive I started to shake. My anguish was laid out in front of me not able to breath on his own and with a bandage around his head.
I could feel something warm and wet fall onto my cheek but I didn't wipe it away.

"Please just make sure he doesn't go back to that man. I know I have no right to ask but I am begging you Daemon. Do everything in your power to keep him away from that fucking animal." I growled out.

"I promise. Now go."

With one last look at the only true happiness I had ever felt in my life, I turned and walked away from him. This is the best thing I can do for him. He deserved better. This was right.

But fuck if it doesn't feel like my soul has been shattered.