[MJ Fanfiction] What Happened That Day

Part 72: Who Am I?

11/15/87, Bad Tour, Moscow, Russia

Michael's point of view

Tonight's show is in Moscow, and I have to admitt I don't feel really well. I tried to reach June for hours, but she didn't pick up her phone, so I had to give up. I could have called her mother, but I don't want to worry her. She's away from New York as well, and I'm pretty sure June is avoiding me after what I told her. I feel so guilty. I didn't mean to say such a thing, really. I talked about this with Karen and Sheryl, considering the fact they both know and love June, and they admitted that I've been acting mean with everyone for a couple of day, and I don't know why. I lack of sleep, that's a fact, but I always do, and I don't act mean towards people because of this. It's not like me, I'm not a mean person: I'm all for love.

I'm really worried about her, and I'm afraid she actually broke up with me later today. She said that I should leave her if I don't want my status to be jeopardized because of her. The thing is, when she told me that, I don't know why but I couldn't speak. I think I was so shocked and taken aback by her statement that I completely lost the ability to speak. I hurt her, badly, I know I did, and really want to apologize. I can't let her get away once again. I love her with all I got, seriously, and I'm not letting my mean self ruin what we have. I took my phone once again, and dialed June's number for the twentieth time.

"Hey, it's June Wellington, I'm not availiable at the moment, so leave a message and I'll call you back! If it's you mom, I love you."

Voice mail, once again. It put a smile on my face everytime I hear it. I could listen to her voice mail all day long. She recorded it when we were in Neverland, back when we were just friends. She was on the bench in front of the main house, waiting for me to join her so we can go to the movie theater together. She was so full of joy on this particular day. I can't get enough of her smile, her laugh, her jokes, her voice... I want her to feel this way again. I want her to be happy again. What if I'm not the one who is going to put a smile in her life? As long as I can remember, since the day we've been together as a couple, crap keeps happening. Frist, her father's death, then Frank's abusive ways, Beverly's death, Anna and Matt's betrayals, her health's issues... All of this happened while I was supposed to look after her, to protect her. What if I am the person who's dangerous for our relationship? I mean, let's face it: I'm the one who brought Frank into her life, I'm the one because of whom she met Beverly, I'm the one who caused her friendship to end with her best friend... And now, what am I doing to her? I'm being an idiot and keeps arguing with her while I miss her like crazy. What is even worst is the fact I argued with her about something she did for a good reason. Dang! She did this because she needed money to help her parents! What is wrong with me? Plus, she did this way before I met her, I shouldn't be upset. It's not like she hid it completely from me, she told me she used to do several part-time jobs to help her parents with the medical bills, but I guess I never had the curiosity to ask what kind of job she used to do. This is all my fault. I understand how embarassing it is to say something like that while you just started a new relationship with someone: it's not something you say on your first date. June is pretty shy, so I understand she never told me. Why did I react like this? Why didn't I take the time to talk to her like I'm talking to myself right now?

"Michael?" I heard Carson's voice call me. "You should be on stage in three minutes."

I sighed, "Okay. I'm coming."

"Hey man, what is it? You look sad," Carson asked with concern in his voice, patting my shoulder.

"I'm fine," I sternly said, but I didn't want to sound this harsh. "I'm sorry, John. I don't know what's up with me these days."

"So you realized you've been an asshole to everyone?" He said with relief in his voice.

"Karen and Sheryl told me I've been saying mean things to a lot of people, including them. I don't know what is it with me, I'm not like this normally. You know this, right?"

"Of course I know it. What's going on?"

"I don't know," I sighed again, brushing my hands over my face in frustration. "I had an argument with June because I told her things I didn't mean... I've been a real jerk, John."

"Did you try to apologize?"

"Yeah, but she keeps ignoring my calls."

"Let it go. Try to call her again tomorrow. She'll be fine, Michael," he said, giving me a reassuring smile. "Now come on, stand up, and go shake your body on this stage!"

I slightly smiled, and tried my best to clear my mind before going on stage. My fans need me to be focused and to give my best.

She is fine, Michael. She'll forgive you. She loves you. 

June's point of view

I've been driving in the dark for two hours. The only compagny I had was the buzzes of my phone which was in the passenger's seat. I didn't want to answer any of Michael's calls right now. I was mad at him, and I didn't want to forgive him, or even hear his apology. Plus, I needed to be focused on the road. However, the voices in my head couldn't stop talking to me. There was a battle of thoughts going on in there, and I didn't find the strenght to fight back all of this thoughts which were running through my head. I was thinking about what Michael was doing because he stopped calling, and I was thinking maybe he found himself another girl to forget about me and try to improve his image. You know, this image of a guy who has a 'callgirl' as a girlfriend? That's pretty bad when you're Michael Jackson, right? The same Michael Jackson who always told me not to believe anything written in a magazine or on TV. Asshole. Take a look at yourself before giving me lectures. I was also thinking about what my father once told me: "You have to fight for what's yours, honey. Life isn't easy, but it's beautiful." Well, here I am, dad. Driving to Virginia to find the girl who once was my best friend because she tried to ruin my life and my relationship. Michael is – was? – mine, and I'm going to fight for him, no matter what it takes. I can't erase those beautiful memories we once had together. Those times we had in Neverland. Thinking about it brought a slight smile on my face when I thought about this one time when we were still nothing but friends and we had a water balloon fight with some kids. Michael had his team, and I had mine, and if course, he wanted to get me. When he finally found me, he caught me, he gently tackled me on the ground and we just laughed together, looking in each other's eyes. I thought this would be our first kiss, but being as shy as we were, nothing happened. I remember this moment like it was yesterday, and I cherrish it, because maybe this is one of the last good memory we'll have together. When my mom called me yesterday, she seemed so happy with her new job and everything that I didn't want to worry her, and I told her everything was fine, that I felt good. Hopefully, this job if hers kept her from watching tv or read magazines. I don't know how she'll react when she sees this photo of me plastered on every tabloids on the country. She's not the kind of woman to judge anyone, and being her daughter, I know she won't say anything which will hurt me. She's an understanding person.

I came to realize that all of those memories and thoughts were the only thing that kept me from falling asleep, so I kept thinking, torturing my mind. It's like I'm becoming crazy, a kind of paranoid psycho freak. 

Who the fuck am I?