Unspoken Pain and Hidden Scars

Who am I?

Hi my fellow unusuals🥺🤭💕! This is my first chapter and I'm excited to write it.

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I walked steadily as though my mind wasn't running it's way into the land of anxiety.

My counsellor's office had become a regular spot for me now.

I fought the annoying voice in my head telling me to turn back and return to the lecture room.

He had to know . His methods weren't working. I was still flunking all my tests.

I climbed up the stairs and found my way to his office. I took a deep breath as I knocked the door.

"Come in" Mr. Olawale said.

I opened the door and ducked my head shyly as I walked to his desk.

"Oh, Grace it's you, how did your tests go today?" He asked.

*badly. the tests went very badly*

"Sir, I tried what you said, it's still the same" I kept my voice steady. I couldn't cry in front of him. I'm not that weak.

I ignored the itching in my throat and raised up my head.

"You did everything? Are you sure?" I saw the confusion in his eyes.

Getting impatient, I nodded in affirmation.

He closed his eyes and muttered something incorrigible.

He gestured to the chair in front of him.

I sighed and sat down, bowing my head.

"Okay, tell me about it, how was today's experience?"

I told him everything. How I had read so much the night before, practiced questions and slept well. I told him how I knew the answers to the questions on the paper but my hands were shaky once again. How I had forgot all the answers and written absolutely rubbish.

I did very well in all my assignments and class assessments but when it came any sort of examinations, my brilliancy would run.

And so Mr. Olawale had suggested I do the daydream therapy. This meant I would pretend I was in my room doing my homework. I would envision myself on my bed just resting and writing the answers to the 'very easy' questions.

But it didn't work.

I was beyond frustrated. If I failed this test, I would be more than disappointed in myself. Because I knew the answers but I just couldn't keep my head straight.

What would my parents say?

"Maybe you need to see your pastor"

Wait! What?

Did Mr Olawale really think my problem was spiritual?

Maybe he was just as tired as I was.
I mean this was the third time I had come this week.

"Maybe if he prays with you, a solution might show itself"

I looked up and nodded.

I decided that was the last time I'd go to his office. He had tried his best.

My life was a mess.

If I wasn't the best, what would I be?

------------------------------------------

My friends called for me

They said "Grace, where are you?"

But little did they know I was writing out my anger towards them.

Little did they know I was thinking of how to escape from them so i could think about my life.

They called again and again but I hid carefully, my back against the bathroom door with hot tears running down my deflated cheeks.

Why was I crying, you may ask.

They had once again successfully made a mockery of me and my insecurities.

"See your teeth, you look like a rabbit"

One of them had even showed me the picture of the rabbit on his phone.

He pointed the phone to my face while they all cackled like wild goats.

I laughed too, pretending to be amused.

My legs failed me as I reached the bathroom and I collapsed .

I shouldn't have cried though. I should have been used to people laughing at my flaws.

I'm pathetic.

I wrote about every single detail that day and I felt better.

I went out to my so called friends again like my heart wasnt just ripped apart.

Typical Grace.

Ever since then, I covered my mouth whenever I laughed. And stopped smiling with my teeth.

At least noone would notice and insult me then. But little did I know my flaws weren't limited to my face alone.

Little did I know that people's eyes never ceased to find a flaw.

All I could do was hold onto myself. Hold on to me, myself and I. That was all I had.

But how could I hold on to something I barely I knew?

I didn't even know who I was.

I sighed. It felt like I had been doing that a lot lately.

Bonus poem👇

I have broken dreams, distorted and almost destroyed.
I don't even know who I am
My creativity is fading and my talents are running from me.
My ambition is far from where I really want to be.
I don't know if I'm making them proud or me proud.
I changed who I was to put you both first but now I give up.
I'll start working on my broken dreams from now on.

~Grace.

What do you guys think of this chapter? Let me know in the comments. I want to know how i did. It would really encourage me too🥺

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Of course this was more of a filler chapter so more chapters will be way more interesting than this.
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I love y'all ❤️