Make You Mine // {LaChambers}

Hope?

Assuming that someone doesn't like you back sucks, but the only thing worse is the confirmation that they don't. At least when you don't know, there's still a chance. A small, shrivelled little chance. It's so small that it shouldn't make a difference.

But then it dies. 

And you realize how much it meant to you. 

And you realize that you're not okay with being alone. And you're not over him. And all you really want is for him to hold you and tell you that everything is going to be okay.

But you can't have him.

You never could and you never will.

And it sucks.

-

I woke up early in the morning, contorted on a rock. The sun was barely breaking dawn, turning the sky into a sea of oranges and reds. I wanted to stay and watch it, but I knew I had to make it back to camp eventually. Packing up my things, I trudged back into the woods, pushing through branches and tripping over roots.

Eventually, I returned to camp, just minutes before Teddy woke up and started interrogating me.

"Where've you been?" he asked, rummaging through his duffle bag.

I shrugged. "Out n' about. Thought I'd get a walk in before y'all woke up."

Teddy pulled his portable propane stove out of his bag and started setting it up. "God, you're so weird," he mumbled.

I scoffed. "What'd I do this time?"

"Well," he started, dumping a few cups of oats and some water onto the then-lit stovetop, "for starters, we did enough walking yesterday to last a week. In what world would you have enough energy to start walkin' again?"

I shrugged. "You're real judgemental, you know that?"

Teddy rolled his eyes. "An' you're avoiding the question."

I sighed. "I had shit to do. So sue me."

Teddy was about to make another snarky remark when Gordie unzipped his tent. We locked eyes. I felt a wave of emotions - embarrassment, dread, shame, anger, nervousness, and even excitement - pass through me at once, but I tried my best to hide it. He didn't need to know how I felt. No one did. I kept a straight face, staring him down until he looked away, face flushed. 

Teddy looked back and forth between the two of us before shrugging it off, taking a scoop of oatmeal and disappearing back into our tent. I followed in his footsteps, crawling in behind him, catching a quick glimpse of Gordie before he disappeared into the woods. 

"Y'know, Chris, you can only run from your problems for so long," stated Teddy. 

I scoffed. "What's that s'posed to mean?"

Teddy sighed. "Look, I know you ain't gonna tell me what happened with Gordie, but the more you run from him, the less it's gonna help."

I furrowed my brows. "Don't tell me how to deal with my problems."

"Jesus Christ, Chris, let me help you!" Teddy snapped. "I'm sick an' tired of you moping around all the time an' gettin' pissy when anyone tries to help! What's your problem, man? This whole year all you've been doin' is shuttin' people out. You're damn lucky you've still got us."

"Do you really wanna know, Teddy? Why I've been so 'weird' and 'pissy?' Does it really bother ya that much?" I snapped back.

"Yes! For fuck's sake man, spit it out already!"

I took an aggressive deep breath before practically shouting, "I fell in love with a boy! That's why!"

"Well no shit, Sherlock!" Teddy shouted without missing a beat.

I paused. "Wait, what?"

Teddy rolled his eyes. "I've been waitin' on you to say it, asshole. You fell head over heels for ol' Gordie. So is that it? Is that all you've been hiding from me this entire time?"

I sat there for a few seconds, staring back at him, dumbfounded. Teddy wasn't the smartest guy around but somehow he managed to piece that together. How obvious was I being? "I- how the hell did you know-?"

"Simple," he started, "once I figured you weren't straight, I saw how you acted 'round Gordie and it was obvious. Oh, c'mon, why're you lookin' at me like that? You didn't really think I'd care, did ya?"

"Well, no shit I did! Oh, who am I kidding, you're not into dudes. It's not like you'd get it."

"I made out with Michelle's older brother. Fuck you," he stated, pausing to finish up his oatmeal. 

I stared at him again. "No way, man."

Teddy smirked. "Yes, way. Why'd you think I started wearing turtle necks?" he asked, pulling down the neck of his sweater. Sure enough, he was covered in hickeys and bite marks. "And you can bet your ass I loved every second of it."

What in the world was happening. Teddy, who I was way beyond certain was as homophobic as one man could get, spent his free time making out with my best friends' ex's brother. "So- you're gay?"

"I don't know and I don't care. Y'know what they say, 'A hole is a hole-'"

"Alright, alright, alright, I get it," I said quickly, knowing how quickly Teddy could get lewd based on little to no prompt. 

"Anyways, what was I sayin'? Oh yeah, talk to him, for the love of god," said Teddy.

I furrowed my brows once more. "I can't."

Teddy glared. "Oh? An' why's that? 'Cause y'all kissed an' Gordie got a lil' bit freaked out? That don't mean that all hope is lost an' yer gonna die alone. Quit bein' such a pussy and go talk to him."

"How did you know-"

"Heard Gordie n' Vern talking 'bout it last night."

I felt a spark of hope. "Did he- did he say anything 'bout... maybe... liking me-"

"Can't spare ya the details, Chambers. Talk to him," said Teddy, starting to get up.

"Wait-"

"Talk. To. Him."

And with that, Teddy disappeared back outdoors.

"Alright, fine!" I yelled back. "But if this goes to shit you're in for it!"