My Beloved ~ H.S.

Chapter Thirty Two: Control

I arrive at the arena for the show, hoping that I can avoid Harry as much as possible after our awkward parting in the hotel room last night. I'm glad that he gave me more time to make the decision as I've come no closer to making one since a week ago and if anything, I'm even more confused than I was then. But unfortunately, as Murphy's Law inevitably takes over, I practically run right into him as I'm scurrying along to my dressing room. He seems to be on a mission and very distracted to say the least. He almost seems surprised to find me here and I hold my breath in anticipation for whatever exchange that is about to take place. Of course as is per usual with Harry, what he does say is not what I was expecting.

"Oh Kathryn, hi. Have you seen Stacy?" For some reason, the mention of her name on his lips makes my stomach churn.

"Umm no...", I say, glancing around as if she will magically appear. "Is everything ok?"

"Yeah, no, I just can't find her and I'm in desperate need of some grooming", he says with a nervous laugh.

"Oh, anything I can help with?" Why did I just say that? Is it literally impossible for me to stay away from this man? My trip home can't come soon enough. His eyes light up and his brows shoot to his hairline.

"Well, maybe. Are you any good at doing hair?" Can this man-child really not do his own hair for one night? Talk about first world problems.

"You haven't watched her enough to be able to do it yourself?" I ask, wishing I had never offered.

"No, I'm shit at hair, hence the clip", he says, pointing at the little plastic object holding his hair in place. My eyes follow his finger, then dance back down to his face. My mind wanders to cutting James' hair during quarantine, I had actually gotten quite good at it before he left, but I don't mention this to Harry. I sigh heavily, knowing I can't go back on it now after offering to help, and he seems so desperate that I would basically do anything to make him happy.

"Ok", I say simply, sounding resigned. He smiles widely and I can't help but smile back.

"Ok let's go", he says animatedly as he turns and practically skips into his dressing room. I wonder briefly how many caffeinated beverages he's had today as I follow him into the room. Well, at least he's not panicking, or pouting. "Ok, so usually I shower and dress then she does my hair so it doesn't get messed up if I have to pull a shirt over my head or something", he explains as his eyes dart back and forth between mine.

"Ok..so should I leave and come back??" I say as I start to move back toward the door. His hand comes out to rest on my forearm as he stops me and I look back up at him.

"No, do you mind waiting? I won't be long." Sure why not? What else have I got to do than wait on Harry Styles.

I say this sarcastically in my head but to him I just say, "Sure", and give him a little shrug.

"Great, I'll be right back", he says as he leaves me and closes the bathroom door behind him. I stand awkwardly in the center of the room and glance around for a few seconds before taking a seat on the sofa and eyeing the items on the coffee table. I see his little black notebook, as well as the book he purchased in the bookshop on our outing that day. Trying my best to ignore the notebook, I pick up the other book and flip absent-mindedly through the pages. I smile as I see that Harry has highlighted several passages throughout the book. I read through the words that seemed to mean so much to him that he felt the need to make them stand out.

"the courage it took to get out of bed each morning to face the same things over and over was enormous."

"regret is mostly caused by not having done anything."