Cheaper Than Free: An Anniversary Story (The Dance A/U Sequel)

Deeper Than A Deep Well

Venice Beach, California
Tuesday, October 5, 1982
(8:00 pm)
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The entire house was dark, as was the closet upstairs she was sitting in.

Stevie had needed glasses to see since the first grade, when Barbara had heard from her teacher that despite being highly verbal and reading at a level five grades higher than the other children, she was struggling in class. Being so incredibly nearsighted all her life had made Stevie's other senses kick into overdrive - especially her hearing.

That was why she could hear the door closing downstairs, and the heavy footsteps on the stairs that led to her bedroom...and her bedroom closet.

That was why she heard Lindsey's breathing before he called out to her.

That was why she could hear him say, in a voice not meant for her to hear, "Jesus Christ. This is going to kill her."

And he was right. Robin had been gone exactly four hours and she already had no idea how her heart was still beating. She wasn't sure she was breathing. And for the first time in her life, she wouldn't have minded terribly if she wasn't anymore.

"Stevie?"

She could hear the anxiety in his voice when he called her name. She also heard that strange combination of love and hope that had never really disappeared, even after they'd broken up six years ago, even after Don and Paul and J.D. and Jimmy and the bane of her existence, Carol Ann. Part of her tried to wonder how Lindsey had managed to escape her clutches tonight to come over, but it was quickly stomped on by the big boulder that had been in her heart ever since the phone call from Kim and the words that rang in her mind...

"She's gone, Stevie. The third Musketeer is gone."

She'd fought the urge to scream that Robin was part of only two musketeers first...and just screamed. And cried. And wailed. And flung herself on the floor and pounded on the Persian rug until the dust flew out and she thought her wrist might be sprained.

The silence of her time in the closet was a stark contrast to the hysteria that had ensued this afternoon. She could hear the dog outside the door from where she sat in her little bed, panting as she nervously guarded her mom as best as a ten-pound elderly poodle could. And she heard Lindsey, who'd found his way up to the bedroom in the dark, breathing heavily as he spoke to the dog.

"Hi, Ginny! Where's your mommy, cutie? Is Mommy okay? Are you guarding Mommy?" He spoke in a soothing tone that would surely embarrass him if the rock and roll community ever heard it. She sensed him turning as she kicked the closet door open, and he set the dog down and joined her, sitting down at her side on the closet floor. She stared straight ahead; she couldn't bring herself to look at him.

"Did you know that when people lose a limb, they tell the doctor they can still feel it being there...and sometimes it even hurts?" She still didn't look at him. "They call it phantom pain, I think."

"I didn't know that." His hand went to her knee.

"This must be phantom pain I'm feeling, then, because I lost a limb today and it hurts so fucking badly I don't even know what I'm going to do about it."

"Stevie...look at me." His hand moved from her knee to her shoulder, and she finally turned around. Even in the darkness of the closet she could see his blue eyes shining at her. "Like a magnet to the sea," she thought. "You're not alone, you know."

"Sure I am. She was all I had left...you know...from the before time...from the real Stevie...Stephanie."

"I'm still here, Stephanie."