Unfit For Heroing (Team Hooligan Story)

1 - Our Pilfering Begins

Note: Keep in mind that I haven't read all the Archie and IDW Sonic comics yet.
Also Note: There's gonna be swearing in this story because Fang is a cursing douche-

Pilfer (v) - steal (typically things of relatively little value).

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In the middle of a breezy morning, thick, puffy clouds covered the sun, then revealed it again to let the streets and sidewalks shine. The sun itself was still rising, and a plethora of Mobians were just getting up and about to seize the day.

One grand, highly intelligent, and slightly obese villain was already planning how to seize this day.

He had called one of his greatest assistants to assign him to a job made just for him. Eggman mentioned he would need multiple partners for this task.

"Sorry Doc, I work alone." Fang the Sniper (or Nack the Weasel, but he hates being called that) was sitting cross-legged in a leather chair across from Eggman. A round, red metallic table was between them with a plate of snickerdoodle cookies.

Eggman revealed two cards in his hand, spreading his fingers to show the backs of them, which had white Eggman symbols surrounded by red.

"For now you don't. You'll be doing a series of jobs for my next big plan to destroy Sonic, and dominate the world."

He flipped the cards over.

A green duck/woodpecker(?) with a red bandana and shoes was on the left one, striking a silly pose with a hand on his hip and the other making a peace sign. He was winking and his tongue was sticking out.

On the other card, a slightly chubby, tall polar bear with a green scarf, red beanie, brown gloves, and orange-laced boots was staring aimlessly towards Fang, as if he was posing for a mugshot. He had a fixed glare with a glint in his pupils.

"These two will be your partners. Bean the . . . Dynamite is the green one, he is excellent with explosions. I will have to advise you about how animated he is, he even gives me a headache!"

Fang groaned and grabbed a cookie. "Alright, thanks. Who's the big guy?" He took a bite out of it.

"Ah, Bark the Polar Bear. Mostly uses brute force, extremely quiet but I think you'll make good use of him."

Fang hummed in thought before swallowing chewed up food. "He'll be good for bustin' open walls. What's the job this time?"

"I'm running low on materials for my new robot. I am currently occupied with finding other things, along with the Chaos Emeralds, so I don't have the time. You need to go to the Seaside City Bank and find tiny blue crystals that I find to be a great source of torque for my robot. I'll give you great compensation as your reward."

"Sounds good." By now, Fang had finished his cookie and leapt from his seat. "So where's the two lackeys?"

"They're waiting in a room nearby." Eggman turned around in his chair and yelled for Bean and Bark.

Both of them came out of a room to the right. Bark was holding Bean by the torso, tucking him to his side. Bean had a derpy smile on his yellow beak and Bark had a deep frown, a frown that told everyone his thoughts of being here right now.

Bean gasped after seeing the plate of snickerdoodles, frantically shaking one arm up and down and pointing with the other. "Bark look! Cookies─wait a minute, I hate snickerdoodles." He turned to Eggman. "Doc, ya got anything without the word 'snicker' in it?"

Fang let out a sigh and pinched the bridge of his pointy snout, already knowing this was going to be a long day.

At the time, he didn't have any additional seats to go with his Marvelous Queen (yes, he picked the name) bike, so Bark and Bean had to sit behind him on the engine that propelled the bike forward.