stunning ° hyunho ✓

an expert's relationship advice

"so you stole a kid's bike to drive to the hospital to look for hyunjin, and then jeongin suggested that you also take the kid with you, and you agreed?" bang chan, the leader of stray kids, was at his giddy limit.

after a moment of silence, changbin gave in: "yes."

"the bus wasn't coming–" jeongin started, his tone defensive, but changbin elbowed him.

chan tugged at his hair as he stared in despair at the two members seated across from him. they both looked so harmless, so handsome, and so polite. no one who saw them would have thought that they were a sinister pair of thieves and kidnappers. "who are you?" he said finally, trying to keep his voice as even as possible. 

"stray kids changbin."

"stray kids i.n."

"what are you?"

"hungry."

"GAY."

chan took a deep breath. "thanks for coming out, changbin, but that's not the answer." he leaned closer to them. jeongin squirmed in his seat. "you're idols for fuck's sake. you cannot steal bikes and kidnap kids–"

minho put a plate of cookies on the kid's lap and a glass of warm milk onto the coffee table. "here you go." he stared disapprovingly as the kid immediately shoved a whole cookie into his mouth. "you're supposed to say thank you, you know. have't your parents taught you?"

his eyes still trained on hyunjin who was sitting nearby and actively pretending to be focused on chan's reprimanding of jeongin and changbin in the other room, the kid mumbled: "thanks."

minho could settle for this half-hearted reply as long as the kid – the kidnapped kid – was calm and content. he plopped on the couch next to him, turning his body more toward the child than toward hyunjin, who was now discussing a book with seungmin.

"so your relationship is failing," the kid pointed out like it was an obvious fact.

minho scowled at him. "it's not."

the kid scowled back at him. "why're you lying? i'm in a stable relationship. i know what happy couples look like."

minho could not suppress a snort. "how old are you?"

"i'm turning eleven in eight months. it's not about age. it's about experience."

biting back a smile, minho nodded. "how long have your girlfriend and you been together?"

the kid put the plate with the cookies down. ""a long time! we're having our two-week anniversary in six days." confidence was dripping from his voice. 

minho rolled his eyes. "kid, that's not a long–"

"it is, hyung, it is," seungmin chimed in with a shit-eating grin. "that's longer than hyunjin and you've managed to coexist without fighting."

it took minho a lot of willpower not to show seungmin a middle finger.

"see? i told you that your relationship is failing."

minho glared at the kid. "what do you know about relationships?" he grabbed a cookie and started munching aggressively.

"i know more than you," the kid stated. confidence was streaming from his voice. "i can teach you if you want."

if you asked minho, he would have admitted that he had not expected that he would ever be in a situation in which he would be tempted to get relationship counseling from a fetus, but here he was. he sighed. it was not like he had another choice. chan had made the unwise decision to task him with entertaining the kid until jisung and he figured out how to take him back to where he was supposed to be. 

"fine." minho leaned back, accepting his fate. he waited for hyunjin to leave the room to say: "help me, expert."

the kid started massaging his chin with his fingers, imitating a thinking pose. "hm... you have to stop expecting people to say thank you every time you're nice to them."

minho blinked in confusion. "what?"

the kid straightened in his seat and began to energetically explain: "you brought me cookies and got angry when i didn't say thank you immediately. my parents have taught me well. i just got distracted." he paused to give minho a reproachful look. "are you this mean to him too?" he pointed a finger at where hyunjin had been. "if you do good things for him just to make him be good to you, it's fake."

"sweet child, this is too intelligent for this hyung," seungmin said, motioning at minho. "don't overestimate him."

the kid gave him a curious look. "love isn't about intelligence. you're single, right?"

for once, seungmin did not manage to give a smart retort. he scoffed dismissively instead and opened the book that he was reading again.

minho looked at the kid with renewed interest. people who could shut kim seungmin's mouth deserved all of minho's respect and some more. "continue."

hyunjin, having made a feeble attempt to defend jeongin from chan, stepped back into the room and sat down next to seungmin. he leaned closer to seungmin and laughed at something he read in his book. his eyes crinkled preciously. minho kinda, sorta stared.

the kid traced his gaze. "you're glaring at him like he ate your breakfast and your grandma. no wonder he doesn't like you. look at him like he's the best thing in the world. like– like you're looking at kimchi fried rice when you're really hungry!"

minho coughed. that was some comparison. he would gladly eat hyunjin out any time, though– pardon, eat out with hyunjin.

"enough useless advice. drink your milk," he grumbled instead, frowning menacingly at the kid, who did not seem to be intimidated. 

minho would not have admitted it even he was threatened, but mentally, he shelved the kid's advice: no expectations and no glaring. he could work with that. 

his eyes met hyunjin's, and he did his best to give him a genuinely fond smile – not a vaguely menacing smirk. after a moment of confused blinking, hyunjin returned the smile, and it was all sweet and romantic. 

then felix stepped into the room. felix. the kiss. minho's smile turned into a snarl.

no, he could not work with that.

a/n:

this book's genre is jealous minho