end of the line. || [j.m.k]

six.

it's looking up.

(word count; 872)

trigger warnings: od mention

it's been two weeks.

the overdose feels like it happened years ago, the feeling of fear and panic disappearing into the back of his psyche, blending with the traumatic memories he's had instilled in him.

now, in the present, his mind dances over the future.

tour's finally started, and the four have just had their first show.

josh hasn't thought about the drugs.

he's ignored the pull in his body every time he's gone to bed.

he's seen everyone's smiling faces, every grin making his heart leap into his throat.

all of his people, hearts on their sleeves, hands in the air, screaming along to music he's taken part in writing.

did you get enough love?

he thinks he did.

did they?

he's given them all he's got, and he'd give over, and over, and over again.

sitting backstage, his mind focused on the sea of thousands just beyond that curtain, his thoughts travel to just two months ago- the accident, the fear he felt as he gripped onto his brother.

josh immediately swallows all of the bad thoughts.

he can't let his people see him hurting. they've given their all to be here, to see him and his brothers.

just like that, all the negativity washes away.

even the thought of stepping foot on that stage and seeing all his precious people makes everything bad, everything horrible, fall away.

it falls into the black as the curtain falls.

the smiles, the screams of excitement, the hands in the shape of hearts held up in the air; it all makes him feel at home.

home.

do you know what home is, joshua?

he does.

do you like it here?

he loves it.

if you die tonight, will you be happy?

happy as he's ever been.

the joy rolls through his body, that familiar euphoric feeling taking hold of him.

this time, it's not because of some stupid fucking drug.

it's because of them. all of them.

they're his people, his joy, his happiness.

his home.

his eyes brighten as he makes eye contact with the people at the barricade.

you mean everything and more to these people.

and they mean everything and more to him.

i am here because of you.

for months, he's been sitting in the dark, the curtains drawn, sobs racking his tired, worn-down frame, addiction taking it's hold on him.

for so long, he's prayed for something, anything, to make him feel alive.

but tonight, as he stands on this stage, looking out at the crowd, he sees it.

they make him feel alive.

his skin is bathed in warm, gentle rays.

his people, his brothers- they're his light.

they are his reason for being.

being sober.

being happy.

being alive.

josh refuses to deny himself of those things; to deny his family of those things.

his heart flutters as he looks at his brothers, all grinning around him.

i won't let you take this from me.

i won't let you rob me of life.

i won't let you rob them of me.

through the whole show, he feels alive.

like he's on fire, but in a good way.

it's this day, this show, these people, that he promises his sobriety to.

you won't take me.

you can't.

i'm stronger than you've ever been.

he is.

he's stronger than any medication, stronger than any drug sickness.

josh knows he can power through it.

two weeks he's been clean.

sure, he's got the rest of his life to go; he's optimistic, regardless.

looking at his twin, then to his little brothers, he remembers just how happy he felt when they congratulated him on his first day.

again, when they watched him flush those damn pills.

and again, on his seven days.

and then again on his fourteen days.

his brothers have been nothing short of supportive.

others haven't been so lucky as he is.

you're a lucky bastard, josh.

not everyone gets this chance.

not everyone can be like you.

the sun had broken through those dark, horrible, aching clouds in his mind.

the lights die.

the spotlight comes on.

josh nearly chokes on his words when he sees the expectant gazes before him.

he can barely force out words. overcome with an extremely strong emotion, one he can't put into words.

adoration.

"my beautiful people," he says, his breathing even and calm despite the positively beautiful storm of emotions flowing through him.

they give a call of excitement in response.

"there's nothing like seeing your beautiful faces, a sea of perfectly imperfect people before me."

there are giggles and grins and yells from the crowd, and he smiles.

josh clears his throat.

"you all have brought me to where i am today. had it not been for all of you- yes, all of you- i wouldn't be here."

it's the truth, isn't it?

if not for them, and your brothers, you wouldn't be here.

it is.

the truth can hurt sometimes- but this truth, his truth- it doesn't hurt.

not even a little bit.

not even at all.

a/n: this is so short & i'm sorry but i have hella bad writer's block & i can't get past this point LMFAO.