Bigger Than The Whole Sky ☆ Jaylor

Chpt. 4 - Six minute wait

October 4th, 2022.

Joseph Matthew Alwyn is my soulmate. I'm so sure of it.

I've been awake for 5 minutes now and all I can think is how lucky I am to have found my person. The one I'll spend my whole life with.

This is exactly where I'm supposed to be. Wrapped up in his arms, with my head resting on his chest, and his hand placed protectively on the back on my ribcage, under my shirt, that's actually his.

I stare at his eyelashes for a minute, in utter disbelief that this man is mine. 6 years ago, I was begging him to leave me, to run away from the chaos of my life while he could. Today, I'm so glad he stayed.

His hand on my back twitches a little bit in his sleep and I move my body around to hold it. But as soon as I move my torso, the sickness from yesterday is back.

I run to the toilet, really not having energy for this shit so early in the morning. It's horrible and violent and gross and painful and messy.

I feel Joe's fingertips gently stroking through my hair, and I'm not sure how long he's been there. Kneeing behind me, holding my legs with his own and comforting me however he can.

He helped me wipe my mouth with toilet paper, like yesterday, and flushed it down the toilet. Then we just sat in silence on the bathroom floor, as he held up my body and kissed up and down my right shoulder.

"Taylor," Joe whispered in his deep British voice, and I found the strength to look up at him. "I just thought of something. Do... Do you think you might be pregnant?"

My whole body froze. Pregnant?

"I, yeah, I guess. We haven't been preventing it... Oh my god. I could be pregnant. JOE I MIGHT BE PREGNANT," I squealed. Excitement flooded the tiredness out of my body and I turned to face him, trying to ignore the nausea as I did so.

"Holy shit," he replied, in a much more breathy, emotional tone than me. "Love, we might be having a baby. Taylor..."

"We should check first. Like, take a test. It would suck if we got all excited only to be disappointed. Umm, could you get a few for me? Maybe 3 or 4."

"Of course, love. I'll be back. I love you, sooooooo much." he said, kissing my cheek goodbye as he got up from the bathroom floor.

He dressed up a hat and hoodie to hide his identity and drove to the drugstore, the small one that was only a few minutes away, and bought 5 pregnancy tests. I got up, brushed my teeth and walked back and forth through the hotel room. I was shaking. Excited, terrified, confused, thrilled, scared.

When I was younger, I'd never really wanted kids because I knew their lives would be so... different. I chose this life of being locked away in a castle like Rapunzel, but I couldn't force a baby to live like this. Everything changed after I met Joe. I knew I wanted a normal life with him; Long drives (alone, without security!), getting coffee and walking through the park, a quiet life out of the spotlight, and eventually, kids. Realistically, I knew our kids would still have a difficult life, but he helped me believe that it would be okay.

Today, however, was not a calm day.

When he came home I was sitting at the kitchen bench with my head in my hands, wiped tears still cascading down my face. Joe put the bag of tests on the bench and wrapped his arms around my shoulders, in a hug from behind. He kissed my check, not asking what was wrong because he already knew what I was thinking.

We were definitely on the same page about this possible baby, we'd talked for hours and hours before about where we would live and how many kids we wanted and when we wanted to start. He knew I wasn't anxious about having kids. It was more a problem of how we would live once the baby came: how to give our baby a normal childhood, with walks in the park and waterparks and beach trips, rather than the cameras, rumors and headlines they would get instead.

"Our little bubba will be so loved. They'll have parents, grandparents, uncles and friends that care about them so much, and we'll protect them just like we protect our relationship. Their life won't be normal, sure, but it will be beautiful. Whether you are pregnant now or in 5 years, I am so excited to have a baby with you, Taylor, I love you so damn much. And I promise to teach our baby how to glare the shit out of paparazzi when they say mean things to Mummy." He said with a cheeky smile.

"Mummy, huh?" I dorkily imitated his English accent, whilst my imagination lit up with blonde little babies with ocean blue eyes and English accents like his. He chuckled at my terrible impersonation, then tilted my face up to his, still standing behind me, to wipe my teary cheeks and kiss my lips.

"I love you too," I said between kisses and laughs, "and I absolutely cannot wait to have a baby with you."

"Let's see if you are pregnant then?" He suggested, helping me climb off the kitchen stool, and taking me to the bathroom, the bag of tests in his other hand.

I sat on the toilet and peed on the sticks, and Joe laughed at me as I figured out how to do it, then we put them on the ground and left the bathroom, closing the door behind us "for suspense," Joe explained. I set a timer on my phone for 6 minutes, just in case they needed more than 5, and we went and snuggled on the couch. I sat with my legs across his, our bodies safe in each other's arms. We weren't really talking, just looking at each other with the most nervously excited smiles either of us had ever seen. At one point we stared at each other for too long and both burst out laughing at the complete absurdity of the situation.

My phone screamed that it had been 6 minutes and we were both shocked out of out gaze. He held my hand as we walked towards the bathroom, but stopped me as I was about to push open the door. He pushed my hair back behind my ear and said "Taylor, I need you to know, I love you whether we get this baby in 9 months or 100. Okay?" I nodded and kiss his jaw, a silent "I love you too", then I squeezed his hand that I still held and shakily opened the door.

Standing in the doorway, I stared at the 5 pregnancy tests sitting face-down on the floor for a moment, then silently lead Joe into the room. We sat on the cold tiles, right in front of the tests and Joe was still holding my hand. I shuffled closer to him and he wrapped his arms around me from behind.

"Pick one up love, when you're ready." He whispered. I definitely didn't miss the way his voice wobbled a little bit.

I leant forward to grab one, but then turned around to face him. "Pick a number, 1 to 5."

He chuckled and whispered "4" with no hesitation.

"Are you sure? There's a lot at stake." I warned, even though it wouldn't have really made a difference - the tests were pretty accurate so they should all say the same result.

"4. Definitely. 1 plus 3."

I took a deep breath in and picked up the fourth test. Slowly turning it towards me and Joe, I chickened out at the last minute and closed my eyes right before I could see the little screen.

After a moment of silence, Joe gasped. So small and quiet, it could have been mistaken for a regular inhale. His whole body froze for a few seconds. Then he tightened his arms around my body and peppered my jaw and neck with kisses. I still hadn't opened my eyes, but I knew what was going on. I knew that our lives had just changed forever.

"Taylor, we're having a baby."

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hehehehehhehhehehe i like cute stuff.

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