Cantral The Entra

Consider this.

"We play the good guys," those words keep repeating like a bad meal. Because if I'm playing the good guy, that means, I'm the bad guy. I've never thought of myself as being a bad person. I've always done what was asked of me, I've always tried to please Fendan and Haroc. Even when I thought they were wrong, even when I was scared, I've ignored the voice in my head, I did the right thing, I listened to them.

When Haroc told me to kill the Detrie woman, I did. To Haroc, I'm a good person, he favours me, the Universe favours me, it favours entra. That's not my fault.

Entra do awful things. It's true. But we do it for the greater good of the universe. We do it to help all people, it's not our fault that most are unwilling to pull their weight. People must work in tandem with the universe, but they don't, too many civilisations exist only for themselves. How can I be bad if I want what's best for the universe?

"Hey," Ramet says, she rolls on her side and faces me, "what are you thinking?"

The tip of her nose touches mine. I shuffle a little to find comfort and Ramet almost rolls off the sofa. She grabs me to prevent a fall and we both laugh. I miss moments like this.

"What am I thinking." I sigh. "I don't think you'll want to know."

Ramet gives my hip a sharp pinch. "You have to tell me now."

"That hurt!" I bat her hand away and rub my skin, over my leggings. "Do the other people in the universe hate entra?"

"You ask the most ridiculous things, of course they do."

"But don't they understand that Energy is finite?" I say, as Ramet idly strokes my arm. "Don't they understand we're doing all we can to keep the Universe Renewed? Without us the Universe would die. We should hate them for how little they do, how little they contribute to the greater good."

"You really believe all that, huh?" Ramets says, with laughter in her voice.

"You don't?" I frown, this is the first time she's ever exposed doubt about the Theory of Energy.

"I don't know. Why would the Universe favour a race of people created by the entara?"

"That's why the Universe favours us; we're better than anything nature could have contrived." Entra are. I'm not. Not really. I continue on but it's beginning to feel like I'm trying to convince us both. "We were created by science, not nature. We're unique!"

"Okay—" she tangles her hand in my hair "—if the Universe favours us, a species of people created by science, why does it favour you, an entra created by nature?"

"I..." I start but there's no way to finish the sentence. I don't know why it favours me, I don't even know why Haroc believes that.

"What if the Universe hates us for killing all of its creations?" Ramet continues as her fingers twist around my hair.

"No." I shuffle back and sit up with my body wedged into the corner of the sofa. "If that were the case, we wouldn't have immortality." We don't have true immortality, we can die from injury, we can be killed, it's just old age were protected from. "We wouldn't be able to travel faster than the speed of light, we wouldn't be able heal wounds as if they never existed," I say, certain once more. "The Universe gave us those gifts because she favoured us."

Ramet laughs. "You've spent too much time with Haroc." She sits up opposite me.

"If you don't believe in any of this, why are you so committed to the entra cause?"

"What else is there to be committed to?" Ramet asks and she guides me back into a lying down position. "What else is there for an entra to do?"

Nothing. But what is there was? Ideas bloom in my head. Reckless, dangerous ideas, of a new way of living and a different type of entra.

"If I wanted to defy Haroc," I whisper so quiet, I barely hear myself speak, "would you follow me?"

Ramet wraps her arms round me and her fingers trace my spine over my t-shirt. "I'd follow you to the ends of the universe. If you asked me, I'd start a revolution, but you won't and you won't go against Haroc because despite evidence to the contrary—" her knuckles tap my back "—you're spineless."

"And you're heartless," I say, without missing a beat. How can you love someone you barely like?

"But together we make a fully functioning Entra." Ramet kisses me gently. "Why'd you pick Jaxa? We're great together."

Her question takes me by surprise, and I look past her to the star on my wall, to the eye of the Universe. "Since you returned from your Trials, you've been different."

I've finally said it. Out loud. The thing I've wanted to say for two months. I watch her face now, it's blank, no emotion, no anger. Is she surprised by my admission? Or does she see her differences too?

"It was horrible," Ramet whispers eventually. "The pain was unbearable. I wanted to quit, but I knew if I returned a failure Haroc would never let me stay with you. He'd send me away somewhere, to die."

"Why did you do it? How could you have believed they'd be anything but awful?"

Ramet sits up, black hair cascades down her back and obscures the silver web of scars, just visible under her thin white vest top. "I wanted a success for myself. Haroc said that if I wanted to have a position with you in the future ... I needed to prove myself. I thought the would Trials help with that, they did."

I rest my hand on Ramet's back and she springs from the contact. Anger faces me, and I berate myself for saying the wrong thing, but eventually everyone says the wrong thing with Ramet.

"Why does he like you so much anyway?" she shouts. "What's so special about some half breed?"

"I don't know," I whisper.

"Yeah, me neither. I ask myself the same question, why do I love you? Why was I so desperate to do the Trials and stay with you? You're spineless, you're weak ..." Ramet stares at me, I don't jump to my defence because deep down I know she's right. She sighs as if she regrets her outburst. "You're beautiful, I guess you have that over me now."

I stand and my arms wrap around Ramet. "You're no less beautiful than the day I first met you, scars don't make you less."

Her arms hang limp and I release her from my hold.

"I should go, it's not like you're going to plan how to invade Oneera." Ramet grabs her jacket and zips it to the base of her neck.

And just like that she's gone. Just like that a good time is transformed to bad and I hardly know how it happened. I grab a bready snack from the kitchen and sit with my screen. Pictures of Oneera populate my device and I read, I read all about the culture I've been sent to destroy.

I think of Detrie too. My first and last time stepping foot on a planet. After Detrie, Haroc stopped leaving Prime and Fendan never left his Battle Cruiser. I spent my time between the two. Two people with opposing views. And I start to wonder, does Fendan really love Haroc? Do I?