Just another diary of a mythical-to-be

11/3/2022

I have some stuff that's actually Neko related i need to tell you guys. I changed my playlist. I'm using the Neko sub from siren subliminals. Im also using her magical girl and stay safe from Awtok subs. And yes I know Awtok isn't real but in using it to protect myself from any mythical hunters. 

Second thing. My tail bone area really hurt. Only when something touches it or there's pressure but it HURTS. 

Also rant/vent time yayyyy.. :')

How do you guys see me? Cause I honestly don't feel connected that much to the mythical community. I know I've said it before but it hurts. The people who relate to me most I can talk to them at any time and i don't. Last weekend I had a sleepover and J (my gf) said that i probably had social anxiety. Wee were doing a group therapy thing and that's why that got brought up. Anyways I told them (my other friend was there we shall name her c) that i had a hard time making friends and talking to people. I don't think they realize how bad it is though. There solution was to go up to people and just ask if they wanted to be friends with me. But why would they want to be friends with me? I'm just the quiet shy ugly fat girl who barely talks. Sure I have made like 2 friends at my new school (but I would only consider one my actual friend we shall call her k). I'm pretty sure she has problems talking to be people to.

Also while I'm talking about social anxiety. I'm pretty sure I have autism or/and ADHD. I'm not trying to self diagnose cause your not supposed to be that but I do have all the symptoms. I think J is starting to realize that to. Early today in one of my classes we were supposed to be making groups for a project we will be doing. And of course no one asked me and i didn't ask anyone. I texted J. I told her that i wanted to go home but couldn't once school was over cause I had to retake a test. She texted me saying and just told me good luck. Also she rarely ever texts me back as fast as she did especially when we're in school. I told her people were being loud and annoying. That's not what I really wanted to tell her though. Looking back i think I was having a panic attack. I was just sitting at my desk with my arm on my table and my head on my arm texting here. I didn't look like one but it certainly felt like one. She told me to try and go to a quieter place but I would have to talk to the teacher and i didn't want to at the time. It definitely would have helped but I didn't. She gave me other ideas but they involved having to talk to people so I didn't. At the end i just told her I wished I was at my old school. Yes it would have been worse there but I would have got to see her and she would have been there to help.

I feel like I've been getting worse at dealing with loud noises. I have never really like them. I would always block my ears or listen to music to make it better but recently that hasn't been helping as much. Now stuff like it being nosey in a classroom gets me to panic. Although I do like playing music really loud which I found weird. But then again who wouldn't want to listen to the type of music i like to listen to very loudly. 

Anyways I'm excited for next week. If you don't know I'm in drama club and robotics. I'll be in more clubs after winter break cause that's when most of them start. The second play at my school is having auditions next week and I'm going to try auditioning. I have no idea what to expect so people who do please tell me. Also I have my first robotics competition on the last day of school before winter break. And a day after that. I'll probably be missing a lot of robotics if I do get in the play though cause I think that meets every day. Robotics meets monday-wensday. 

Aso that is also very weird. I change the topic so randomly. I don't even mean to I'm just typing what I want to say. Anyways back to the first question I asked what do you guys think of me? U feel like a type to much. Sometimes I only mean to type a sentence or two when I'm replying to something but end up typing a whole paragraph like this. This whole rant was only meant to be a few sentences!!! Okay I'm going now. It almost 10. Tomorrow is Friday!! Which means after tomorrow I'll be the weekend!!!