when we cross paths again. chuuya x Dazai smut 16+ (slowburn)

why did it have to be you?

Chuuya tried, he really did. It frustrated him, it really did. Why couldn't he wrap his head around his feelings? Everytime he thought he knew what to say but when he tried to say them it was like chewing on staples, or rather swallowing staples. The words he wanted to say kept getting blocked by his own lips and he'd force himself to swallow those feelings.... those words....he didn't want to say something wrong but, he didn't know if what he was going to say was right either. The constant fear of saying something wrong ate at chuuya. "I love you because......" Because of what? Maybe his hair? His eyes? His voice? "WHY DO I LOVE HIM!?" Chuuya screamed at himself. It was no use. Chuuya pondered this question for so long but now he actually has to answer it, and it's not even for his own satisfactory but rather for Dazais happiness. Dazai wanted to know why chuuya liked him but not even chuuya knew why. "Why you...why did it have to be you" chuuya muttered to himself as he rolled over. An entire day was just spent thinking about him...again chuuya tossed and turned, normally thinking about that suicidal maniac helped him fall asleep but know....it's keeping him awake? Chuuya tried to push Dazai out of his head but it just wasn't working. Days went by. And all he could think about was him. Lewd thoughts, sappy thoughts, annoying thought. Everything. Chuuya tried to find an answer, one thing. But he failed, over and over again. Dazai is well, Dazai and chuuya loves that about him. But chuuya wasn't happy with just saying "I love you because your you" he wanted the words to hold more weight then that. He wanted to tell Dazai exactly what he liked. But it was hard to find the answer, simply because chuuya liked everything. Maybe he could be a little less noisy but none the less chuuya liked everything about Dazai. He put his head down on his desk in defeat, his mind was going 1000 miles per hour, full speed ahead, right back to it's origin, right back to thinking of "Dazai...." Chuuya finally gave in.....he let his mind go, there was no stopping it now.....