This story contains depictions of a sensory overload induced panic attack. This is based only on my experiences with these types of panic attacks. If you feel that you cannot or should not read this story right now, that is perfectly okay. There is plenty of other content on my page for you that does not contain this type of situation. I'm sure I'll see you some other time. Please take care of yourself. With love, JP
WARNINGS
- brief mentions of self harming behaviors, descriptions of sensory overload, descriptions of panic attacks -
THIS IS THE BATHROOM I AM IMAGINING IN THE STORY
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You didn't know why you were so upset. Your day hadn't been bad, in fact, it was a fine day. You got up, had breakfast, even took a shower. But, something had ruined it right at the end. Without so much as a warning from your brain, you were able to feel every piece of clothing touching you at once. You could hear everything like it was a chainsaw revving right next to your head. Everything you touched felt like sandpaper against your skin. Shit. It was happening again. You had to get back to the lair before it could get worse.
The walk home through New York was overstimulating on a normal day, but now it was physically painful. Every step felt like walking on hot coals. You sped up, just wanting to be home already. It seemed like every person in New York was walking past you on the crowded sidewalk.
When you got home, you walked to the bathroom as fast as you could. It had been your safe space for as long as you could remember, it must have been a habit from your childhood. Something about the cold tiles soothed your mind a bit. You sank to the floor. You could feel every inch of your skin. You scratched at your hands without thinking.
After a few minutes, when you thought you had calmed down a bit, you tried to move. Your body was frozen. This was what happened right before a panic attack. Shit, you thought to yourself, I can't do this here. Even your thoughts were loud.
You pulled out your phone. Your boyfriend, Leo, should be home. You turned the screen on, immediately being taken aback by the brightness of it. You turned it down and texted him.
Y/N : panic attack. need help. bathroom. quiet please.
Leo: on my way. is the door unlocked?
Y/N : yes hurry please
Not even a minute had passed before Leo was gently opening the door. He stepped inside and gingerly closed it behind himself. He sat on the floor next to you.
"Is touch okay?" he asked. Once you told him about how panic attacks affected you, he had begun asking you before touching you in any way. "I just want to hold your hand."
You couldn't make yourself speak. You nodded your head yes. Your heart was racing. Your body was shaking. You kept scratching the backs of your hand. It would start bleeding soon. Leo wrapped his hand around one of yours. It sent a wave of pain up your arm. You pulled away immediately, tears welling in your eyes.
He looked at your hand, seeing the bleeding wound you had created without even realizing it. "Shit, Y/N." he muttered. He stood up quickly and got a first aid kit from under the sink. He sat down again and began patching your hand up. You closed your eyes and tried your best to not move. "I'm sorry I couldn't get here sooner."
Once he was finished, he didn't even put away the kit. He sat it on the edge of the sink and sat back next to you.
You pulled your knees up to your chest and tried to steady your breathing, but it wasn't working. You were still shaking and crying. You hated that he was seeing you this way. "I'm so sorry, Leo." you spoke softly through your tears. "I shouldn't have texted you, this is so stupid. I don't want to be a burden to you." You gritted your teeth and tried to look away from him.
"What?" Leo asked, "Y/N, you don't have to be sorry for needing my help. I love you and I'm glad I got here when I did." He looked at you, putting a hand on your forearm. "I want to help you. This is not a burden on me. Do you get that?"
You cried more at that. Something about people telling you they cared got you every time. "I don't know what's wrong with me." you sobbed quietly.
Leo pulled you close, stroking your hair as you cried. "Nothing is wrong with you. Sometimes our brains just don't know how to deal with things and that's okay. Panic attacks suck and I am always here to help with them." His voice was soothing. It always had been to you.
You let him hold you. Usually, this much physical contact would be messing with you, but right then it was exactly what you needed. He hummed a tune to himself as he snuggled close to you. You loved hearing him sing. He had a beautiful voice after all.
"I love you, Y/N." Leo spoke quietly to you, not stopping his motion of stroking your hair. "I want you to never forget that."
"I love you too, Leo." you replied, sniffling a bit, "I won't forget as long as you keep telling me." A smile crept onto your face.
Your heart was starting to slow down, you were calming down. You decided to keep next to Leo for a few more minutes. Your hands stopped shaking. You were going to be okay. Leo was helping you to get better, even if you had to take it one day at a time.
