"Never had a nigga who protects me,
Everyday with you is like a blessing.
Never had a nigga show me love,
Never had a nigga I could trust, no."
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"Baby what's wrong?" I held Amora to my chest in the shower. Something is wrong with her. She won't let me go no matter what. It's been about a week and if Bey and I leave, she's gonna cry. I haven't been at work because of her and I don't mind. My kids come first.
I planned on going back today, but by the looks of it, i'm not.
"Does it hurt?"
I'm trying to ask questions to see if it's anything I can help with. Momma keeps saying she may have an early depression or some shit. I didn't agree with that one but I did agree with the bipolar. It would be accurate. If anyone knows Amora, they know she can change her mood in a blink of an eye. But so can I and i'm not bipolar....
That's why I don't want to put that on my baby. She acts like me so if she is bipolar, I may need to get my damn self checked out. And I don't want them putting my baby on medication when she's just acting like meee! It would be unnecessary. So i'm trying to give her time to yaknow....chill before I take her to the doctor.
"You have to show momma. I wanna see my baby smile....please?"
"No Momma."
"Still thinking about the doctor?" Bey stepped in the shower behind me. I glanced back and nodded even though i'm trying to avoid that. "Whatever you think is best mama."
"What do you think? I'm having so many thoughts right now."
"I think she's acting like you but....it's been a week. You would've been cracked. Either had a melt down or just gave up. Know you don't keep your emotions in."
I nodded at her answer and it was true. I'll cry whenever I feel like it, it doesn't matter.
She lathered soap and started to wash our bodies. It's been like this all week. Bey has to wash all three of us because Amora won't let go. I had to poop with her...Whatever for my kids right?
We stood under the water together and I kept thinking of all the things that could be wrong. Nothing was really making sense because no one would do anything to her. Especially who she was with. They'll kill someone for even looking at their grandchildren wrong. They play no games.
Only thing I could think of was her binky....She hasn't had it.
"Bey....did she have her binky when she went over there?"
"Yea."
"She didn't come back with it...."
"Damn...You're right she didn't."
"I think that's what's wrong. The binky is like her emotional support. It's weird but it makes sense too."
I stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around us. Now for the hard part. In her room, I picked out her some clothes before going to get mine. Bey had to dress her while she was still hooked to me. Just lifting body part at a time. Then she had to pry her off of me so I could get dressed. After that, I got her back.
