Lost Wanderers

Chapter Thirty One- Stop the Spirals

"Okay, no matter what, Static can't win."

"Understood."

Junco placed her leaf on her side. I know I'm right. She stood next to Tigerlily, long enough so she could come up with a plan. Is she going to move the leaves? Is she just going to report the wrong winner? Is she going to need to do anything at all?

Junco couldn't be sure. As she walked out of the den and back to the waiting place, she passed Blizzard, the next to vote. I feel like he's on my side, but I can't be sure. He was sorta close to Static, in an odd way.

She knew that what she was doing was wrong, and fundamentally against the rules of voting. However, so is killing your fellow Wanderers. Static cannot win, she cannot get away with this.

Junco sat down and took a small sparrow from the pile of prey Llano and Estacado had caught while they were looking for a cat. It was good of them to bring it back. I can tell Static's been hunting, but brought nothing for us. Another reason she should be kicked from the Wanderers, she doesn't care about us.

Junco chewed the bird slowly, not wanting the prey to disappear. Once it was gone, she would have only her thoughts. I don't want it to happen again. I felt so out of control. I was at risk and would have been for much longer had Tigerlily not broken me out of my mind.

And then the prey was gone, and there was nothing to distract her.

Oriole is dead. Static killed Oriole. Static killed your mate. Static killed your leader. Oriole is–

"Stop!" Junco cried out loud, turning several heads.

"Uhh, there was a beetle trying to climb my leg." She shook her foot to prove her point. The other cats went back to their business.

That's embarrassing, but I think I saved it. There probably is a beetle nearby I could blame, haha. Yelling actually worked though, for a moment.

Junco got up and walked over to a tall patch of grass, though it was morning, she was very tired. I have to get some sleep, maybe that will stop the thoughts.

She squashed down some of the grass and laid across them. Covering her eyes with her paws to block out the light, she tried to sleep.

Everyone is dying. Static is killing. Bellflower. Driftwood. Frog. All died when you were a kit. Amber died and Granite left and Branch died and Oriole died. This is your fault. You're bad luck. You watched Amber die. You weren't even there for Branch. You watched Oriole die. Stop thinking about this, you are doing it to yourself. Oriole is dead. Static killed Oriole.

She rolled over and pressed a paw against her temple. The waking nightmare of horrid visions continued to assault her. Images of Amber bleeding out with the tiny kits in front of her. Granite glaring at her across her mother's grave. Seeing Branch's body on the shoreline. Oriole, trapped and dying, blood coming up through her mouth.

From deeper in her memories, the spider emerged. Suddenly she was a kit again. In pain in an unfamiliar place. Her foot throbbed as twolegs grabbed her and stuck her with long, thin claws.

Amber is dead. Branch is dead. Oriole is dead. Your mate is dead. Oriole died in front of you. You watched as Oriole died. This is your fault. Static killed her. It's your fault. Oriole is dead. Static killed her and you did nothing. Oriole–

"Aagh!" she cried out again, the pain clear in her voice. Junco's eyes burned as she curled tighter and flexed her claws.

"Junco! Junco are you okay?" Snapdragon ran over and stood over Junco's curled form. The healer met her eyes and the focus calmed Junco, just a bit.

"Yeah, I'm sorry."

"Junco, you don't have to be sorry. I can try to help you if you explain what happened."

"Yeah, yeah uhh," Junco broke and everything spilled forth. "My mind, it keeps going in circles, my thoughts are repeating. My thoughts about Oriole and Branch and Static and Amber and Oriole, mainly Oriole. I can't make it stop so it just keeps spiraling. And I have these horrible visions, memories. Snapdragon, what's wrong with me?"

"Honey, you've been through a lot and your mind is wounded."

"What? Do you have an herb for that?"

"It's not like a cut on a paw, or a cough. It will never heal fully and herbs cannot cure it."

"So it's hopeless."

"No, you can try to train your mind. Here's one exercise, do it whenever you feel your mind begin to loop. Name five things you can see."

"That's easy," Junco mewed and looked around. "You, these tall grasses, that ash tree, umm, a fallen leaf. Oh and that bee. Is that it?"

Snapdragon shook her head and continued, "Now name four things you can touch, try to avoid repeating something from the last one."

That's a little harder. "This dandelion, piece of bark," as she spoke she poked each object. "Some fur I must have shed and a little twig."

"Three things you can hear."

That one's easier. "Bird chirps, your breathing, the rustle of leaves in a breeze, and–"

"You got your three. Now two things you can smell."

Junco focused on her sense of smell, trying to tell if there was prey nearby she could name. "Some bird a little that way, I think. I can smell Llano sitting over there, he's grooming."

"Good. Last one, one thing you can taste."

"Well I still can sorta taste that sparrow I had earlier."

"Well done, do you feel more relaxed? Not everything works for everyone, so we can try other methods," Snapdragon mewed, warm amber eyes gleaming in the morning sun.

"I think it helped. Thank you." It at least distracted me for a bit. Sorta stopped the spirals, but for how long?

"If you can't do anything about your thoughts sometimes, I can also give you a little chamomile, thyme, or juniper berries. Maybe poppy seeds or goatweed, it really depends on what I can find."

"Snapdragon, your turn to vote!" Estacado called from the direction of the voting den.

I totally forgot about that for a moment. Who is Snapdragon going to choose? Which of us does she believe? Does she think that Static is capable of murder? Would she have helped me if she thought I was lying?

A Moment's Respite
By KittyPeep on deviantART (me)