Don't Leave

Goodbye Mom

I woke to the sounds of blaring sirens and beeping machines, I tried to open my eyes groaning at the feeling of a stiff board under my back, keeping my spine from moving. Hands rush to me as I squeeze my aching eyes closed again for what felt like the hundredth time in God knows how long, it felt like an eternity until I heard strange voices shouting in the distance "1, 2, 3, LIFT".

 If it weren't for the drugs that were pumping through my blood stream right now, I think I would have passed out again. I tried to remember what happened on moment me and mum were driving home from buying ice cream to celebrate my 16th birthday and the next I'm here with a lady on my left side asking if I knew what happened. 

I felt like saying 'if I knew I wouldn't be so confused you idiot' but then realised how rude that sounded and instead tried to open my eyes again, it felt like nails were being hammered into my brain but eventually my eyes opened to a pristine white tilled roof. My immediate reaction was to sit up, which normally doesn't take the wind out of you but normally you're not strapped to a giant board in a bed.

 "What's going on?" I forced out between groans and breaths. A nurse who I'm assuming went by the name of Jenny due to the name tag on her coat, rushed up to my bed and started screaming nonsense into the distance. "She's awake, push 5 mills of morphine stat!" just then 4 doctors rushed into the room a lady with the tag Macy pushed what I'm guessing was the morphine into the tube going into my arm and a doctor called George started writing down notes and looking up at the heart monitor above my head. 

Images flashed through my mind of my mum lying unconscious, hanging upside down by her seat belt as blood ran down her head into a pool on the roof of the car, "No" I wheezed "NO" this time louder I grabbed at whatever I could reach "Where's my mom!?" I screamed Macy came rushing to my side "Dear what's wrong are you okay?".

 "Where's my mom" I wheezed out again, a sorrow look was cascaded across the room, and I suddenly knew something was wrong. Before I could ask again 2 police officers pushed open the bulky doors that proved my only entry and exit, one of the two knelt to my level "Hi darling, my names Emily I'm a sergeant at the Sydney Police Department I hear you and your mom were in a bit of an accident, is that right?" I nodded my head almost robot like in agreement. Emily turned to the nurse "Where is the mother, I want to ask her a few questions about what happened and who hit them."

 Macy ushered the police officer over in a hushed conversation that I didn't pay attention to and turned to look at the other officer for the first time since they came in, he looked about 6 foot towering over the lady officers short frame; he was positioned at the door and gave me a sympathetic look at first I thought it was because of me just being in a crash but I was soon proven wrong when Emily came over and whispered in his ear he looked shocked for a moment, only to show that same sorrow expression the nurses and doctors had only moments ago. His next few words confused me to my core.

 "I'm sorry for your loss." I looked at him confused "What do you mean my loss my dad died when I was 6" this set a whole new auror around the room leaving me scared for what Macy was about to say, she turned to me and reached for my hand that was laying limp on the hospital bed, "Dear I'm sorry to say this but your mother passed away not too long ago she sustained severe brain damage causing a brain bleed in her frontal lobe." That sentence broke me beyond comprehension. 

Tears run down my cheeks as every memory I've ever had with my mom seep through the cracks of what happiness I have left, "Let me go." I say through my teeth try not to break down in the middle of the hospital. I look around and everyone is giving me the same sympathetic sorrow look, "Don't look at me like that, I said let me go you can't keep me here." Macy slowly approaches my bed and unstraps me letting me get up. 

I only just notice the hospital gown I'm in, I look at Jenny the nurse as to say, 'Where's my clothes', she points to a bathroom connecting to the main room. Surprisingly enough I don't have much struggle to get up and leave to change, the male officer whom I still don't know the name of has that look like he wants to say something but doesn't know if it's the right time "oh just say it man please".

 He looks sceptical but slowly proceeds to ask me if I have a place to stay tonight or if I'm still able to go to school, as much as I hate lying to the police even slightly I tell him I'm still able to pay for my schooling and that I have a place to stay which I mean a house I can't pay for is a place even for a short amount of time technically isn't lying. Without looking back, I go straight for the bathroom and change with minimal struggle and walking straight out of the hospital and into the busy Aussie streets that I once loved. 

All I see now when I look around is memories of me and my mom walking, laughing or begging for money to survive, as it is the only way I'm staying in school is my scholarship. Slowly trudging down the streets I see the occasional person walking or jogging in the night trying not to inhale to much smoke I use the dimly lit streetlights and navigate my way back to our 1-bedroom apartment, It's the same way we left it, dishes to be done and cold as ever. 

 I look at the clock only realising its 11pm knowing its Monday tomorrow and the first day of term 2 tomorrow. I make my way to bed without dinner knowing I won't be able to stomach it, Closing the doors and blinds and jump into bed.