Trying to live #Wattys2024

Chapter 30 (Edited)

I slowly registered the door opening, but I couldn't look away from my mother. The words that were said from her mouth held me prisoner in front of her.

"Em," someone said.

Someone was walking to the other side of the bed. My whole body tensed, and when I looked to my right, I saw my brother.

The pained expression on his face highlighted the stubble on his jaw. It looked like he hadn't taken great care of himself in the last few days. The bloodshot eyes, either from crying or drinking, and the rings under his eyes made his face look so sunken and pale in comparison to how he always looked.

I took my hand back and stepped away from my mom. "I... I was just leaving. You can talk to her."

Before I could make my way to the door, Scott stepped in. "Can we talk?"

I know he wanted to talk to me after the incident. After he said the things he said, but I didn't want to. "I don't think there's anything to talk about."

I stepped aside, but Scott just wouldn't let me go. He grabbed my arm. "Please, I'm sorry, Em."

I looked at him and pressed my lips together. He had tears in his grey eyes, and he looked so much like my mom at this moment. "It is so easy for you to say sorry. How often have you said sorry to me? How often were we in this position?"

Scott furrowed his eyebrows. "I... I'm really sorry."

I yanked my arm away, and a harsh laugh escaped my lips. "Yes, you're always sorry! But your apologies are empty! They never mean anything because you don't mean it!"

I breathed heavily after saying that, and I shouldn't have been so loud since Mom was in the room too and could hear us. But Scott was irritating me. He always did this—blamed me, apologized, and then blamed me again.

"This time I'm really sorry. I'm apologizing for everything," he said, hope in his eyes.

But for what? Was he really hoping I would forgive him? I was done forgiving him every time, and what had that gotten me? He did this to us because he didn't see me as his sister.

"Scott, you told me you hated me in front of everyone," I said slowly, the words burning inside me. I still couldn't digest the fact that he had said those things.

"I know, but I was drunk." The look in his eyes told me he wasn't sure where this conversation was headed, and all he wanted was to be forgiven.

"Yes," I said, exasperated, throwing my hands in the air. I was literally controlling myself not to scream. Why couldn't he understand what I was saying? "Don't you know the saying, 'What soberness conceals, drunkenness reveals'? Whatever you said to me that day was the truth."

Scott shook his head. When he looked up again, his eyes were full of sorrow and regret. "I know what you think, Em. But I lied that day. I was hurting and..." He paused for a moment before continuing, "Every time something goes wrong in my life, I try to place the blame on you. But I want to change that. I want to be your brother. I am your brother."

I let out a heavy breath. I didn't believe him. I knew deep down I wasn't ready to believe him. People don't always speak the truth when they're drunk, but I wasn't sure if Scott lied about hating me. I was damn sure he liked blaming me when things went wrong, and at least he acknowledged that.

"You're right. You like to blame me and then try to apologize, only to repeat it all over again. A brother? Really, Scott?" I looked at him as if he had completely lost his mind. "A brother protects his sister. A brother does everything for his sister and ensures that no one hurts her. He cares for her. He loves her. But you don't. You just don't. All you do is hurt me." My voice broke, and the realization of these words hit us both as tears ran down Scott's face.