Trying to live #Wattys2024

Chapter 32 (Edited)

The moment Caesar dropped me off, I ran towards my room. I threw my bag on the floor, shed my clothes, and walked into the bathroom.

Once I was inside the shower, I closed my eyes and turned the faucet to hot. As the heat intensified, I shuddered. It was scalding hot, almost unbearable, but I didn't turn the faucet off or adjust it to a more comfortable temperature. A scalding hot shower was what I needed. It would bring me back to my senses.

How careless could I be?

I was on the brink of losing the careful construction of myself, the person I had donned to survive in life. If I cared—if I suddenly let all those emotions I felt out—I would not survive. I would suffer the worst heartbreak someone could possibly go through. It wouldn't just be the hurt I felt when Henry left me; it would be all the pain I held together from my parents, New Heaven, losing my friends, my boyfriend, myself—that was my ultimate heartbreak.

I could not let this happen.

The plans, the steps I took to reach this point, were all measured and perfectly conducted. I did this to spare people from hurting me, though I didn't realize I would still get hurt in the process.

Water streamed down my body like a waterfall, burning hot and vengeful.

Clarity hit me at once, and I opened my eyes.

I had to stop myself. I had to remind myself that I just had a few months until graduation. Until then, I had to pull it together. No more unwanted feelings, no more crying for things that weren't mine, no more wistful wishing or wanting.

I was stronger than this.

I had survived worse.

I needed to protect my heart and myself first.

I quickly showered, stepped out, and wrapped myself in a towel. Coldness found its way to me, and I shivered. Despite nearly burning myself with the water, I couldn't ignore the cold biting me. Once I was sure I wasn't going to die from the cold, I changed into comfortable clothes—a pajama set would do.

I grabbed my old books from my desk and took the stairs.

I wasn't really sure where Henry wanted us to study or if he still was up for it after our talk, so I went to find him.

The third floor was quiet. Maybe Scott and Cam went out. There was something about a meet-up with the other lacrosse players. Mrs. Avilla wanted to take the two little ones—Alika and Chen—and spend some time with them. She wanted to spend most of her time with her family after work, and I bet she tried to convince Henry to go with her too, but he probably said he would study with me.

I was sure of one thing—Henry wouldn't be in the game room. If we were really studying, he would either be in the library or in his room. Since his room was closest and my arms were already aching from carrying my books, I thought it best to check his room.

I hesitated for a second. Maybe it wasn't a good idea. I could have just called him instead of standing in front of his door. Though it sounded weird to call someone you lived with, in this big house, it was hard to know if someone was around. But now I was here, and I wasn't keen on descending the stairs and walking back to my room with those heavy books.

I shook my head and knocked, not wanting to appear mannerless. "Henry?"

I waited a few seconds, even put my ear to the door in case he was trying to avoid me, but I didn't hear anything. I positioned my books on my left arm, in the crook of my elbow, then opened the door and glanced around.

No one inside.

I wasn't sure if I should step in or not. I knew Henry's room, but since we broke up, I had never been in it except for the one time I threw the black dress he gifted me at him.