Unrequited love

FEELS~

I don't need to use huge words or sophisticated vocabulary to describe how I feel. I just want to let it all out however it comes. For those who know what it feels like, they will understand.

I thought of you today. After waking up, I scrolled through our chats. I wanted to send a message but I stopped myself. I didn't want to do too much and send you away.

I checked our chat history again, 10:43am. I wanted to talk to you and laugh at your jokes. I reread our messages. The banter, my words hiding my real intentions.

I checked the date of our last conversation, November 1. I wished you a happy new month. Is it okay to send a "hi", "hello", "how are you doing ?" I typed it out and erased it again.

I put my phone aside and closed my eyes, you're there, behind my eyelids. No commas or periods. An unending love. It's driving me crazy even more so because you don't know .

I picked my phone up again. "Is this okay?" "Is this even right?" To want to speak to someone this badly. You're everywhere, I can't hide. I want to, I don't want to. I want you, do you see me? I dropped my phone.

Sometimes I read too much meaning behind your words, I want to believe you see me as more than a friend. I can be everything to you. I'm getting desperate, to the point where I won't mind if you're with me and you don't love me . Just stand by my side. Stupid, that's what I am. Love is really blind, yeah?

I have a very vivid imagination. I can see us as a a couple, holding hands, eating together, placing my head on your shoulder. If I told my friends this, they would say I watch too much Korean dramas. I mostly watch the sad ones though, the one where the guy doesn't get the girl and vice versa. The ones where one of them dies and then I cry for days. I guess I like pain.

Am I the only one that cries while watch something sad and start to think of other sad things so I can cry more.
I imagine you gone from this world and I immediately rebuke it. I hate when I do that, think of the evil things that could happen to the ones I love and how I would cry about it. Toxic! That's what I am.

Avoid Yoruba demons they would say. You're not one, morning star.

You distract me, you make me smile for no reason. I catch a glimpse of you and my heart starts to thump, slowly at first then faster till I fear you might hear.

I want to tell you. You would listen, you won't want me though so what's the use?
Or will you?