bamboo doesn't grow in dark spaces. [80K Words / Complete]

chapter twenty-six. 💛

Thunder cracked beneath the basement, rumbling through the concrete. The sound of wind and rain traveled down through the air vent. A chill seeped into the air, turning Case's breath into wispy clouds. On the first night the storm raged outside, Case treated himself to a piece of chocolate and his copy of The Two Towers. He curled into bed, trying to re-immerse into Middle-earth; trying to turn the crashing rain into the rushing river current carrying Boromir's funeral boat downstream. For a while, Case wasn't in the basement. He was in the vast green lands of Rohan, where the air was warm and perfumed with springtime flowers and grass.

Until the building's bones rattled with the threat of collapse. Dust fell from the beams, flakes of ceiling plaster landing on the open pages.

Middle-earth faded from Case's mind's eye, and no matter how many times he re-read the same lines, he couldn't bring it back. Instead, his mind went to Sir, picturing him in a bustling emergency room, tending to crying and bloody patients. He wondered if Sir was a nice doctor. The kind to make you feel safe with a smile and reassuring bedside manner. Then he remembered when Sir had consoled him as he cried, how he'd held Case in the shower, going shhhh in his ear as he stroked his wet hair. Is that the Sir that strangers got to see, or was it a side he kept only for Case?

The air ventilation shaft shuddered with the wind. Giving up on his book, Case curled his blanket tighter around his body, and wondered what he could do if something went wrong. If the pipes burst, could he use all his clothes and bedding to keep the basement from flooding? If the power went out, could his eyes adjust to the dark? Or did Sir already have a backup generator? If a tornado brought the house crashing down, could he climb through the rubble to freedom?

If . . . If . . .

If Sir were here, he'd know what to do. He'd take care of you. He'd keep you safe.

For the week that followed, Case didn't have Sir's visits to mark the passing of time; but he found others ways to track when it was day or night. During the days, the basement was slightly chilly but otherwise uneventful. He'd work out, wait a little longer than usual for his shower to heat up, then he'd read his books. But at night, no matter how many layers he wrapped himself in or how tight he cocooned himself with his blanket, he couldn't stop shivering. The cold was so bad he couldn't sleep. So cold, he could probably take the lid off the icebox and nothing would be at risk of spoiling. He huffed, watching his breath unfurl like morning mist, and yearned for the warmth of another person's breath against his skin, of a bare body pressed against his. Anybody would do—not just Sir's. His craving for human contact was so strong, he closed his eyes and tried to find a good memory of him and Hannah to slip back into. He tried to summon images of her bedroom: the dark purple walls and heavy black-out curtains that always made the room feel like the dead of night; the pumpkin spice candles burning on her makeup crowded dresser; the horror movies playing on her TV to hide the squeak of her bedframe. But the colors and shapes were blurry, and taking too much energy to bring into focus. Case changed locations, trying to remember his own bedroom. But again, there were too many blanks he had to fill in.

So, he settled for what he knew, what was truly familiar: Sir.

Case closed his eyes and ran his fingers across the bare mattress, turning the loose threads into the coarse black hair across Sir's torso. The foam and padding turned into the soft layer of fat over Sir's muscles, a cushion for Case to rest against at night. He breathed in, and found the phantom smell of woodsmoke and cologne over the undefinable smell of another human.

It took Sir leaving for Case to realize how well he knew Sir's body. To realize how much he depended on Sir for survival—and how much that included human contact. For him to realize that Sir made him feel safe. Safer than anyone had before.