Everything I Didn't Say

s i x

SIX

"WHAT IS THIS I hear from our good friend Lincoln?" a shrill voice demanded in my ear suddenly.

I looked up from the physics homework I'd been given a week ago, which I was currently attempting to do last minute during free period in the library.

Jenna was glaring at me from my left shoulder and behind her, Link was hurrying over with a scowl. "I hate when you call me that" he muttered to himself.

"What's he told you?" I wondered curiously, putting my pen down.

"Rephrase that to: what has she bullied from me!" Link interrupted before Jenna could respond.

She flipped him her middle finger before turning to me placidly. "I want you, dear Isla, to tell me that it's not true that you're unwilling to audition for Maria because you're too scared" she said bluntly.

I turned to Link accusingly, eyes wide. "You told her!" I cried in disbelief.

"She could sense something was up! She practically threatened to cut off my penis if I didn't tell her what was going on!" Link explained.

"Damn right I was gonna chop it off!" Jenna growled back, louder.

This gathered the attention of the librarian who sent us a disapproving frown. Jenna cautiously sank into the chair on my left and Link took the one to my right. The librarian turned back to her computer but I could tell she was still listening out for raised voices.

"Isla, what's going on? Maria is your dream role - even this dumbass is auditioning for the lead male!" Jenna jerked her thumb at Link.

"Jenna please be more quiet. I don't want to get kicked out" I whispered.

"You're not focusing on what I'm saying. Are you crazy? You literally know every single word to West Side Story and you sing all the songs enough times. So why the hell are you not auditioning?" she questioned, crossing her arms stubbornly.

I shifted in my seat uncomfortably, embarrassed from having both their gazes focused on me. "Because I ... I won't get it, so what's the point?" I shrugged.

"Of course you'd get it! You are Maria!"

"Shh" Link warned, shooting worried glances at the librarian.

"Jen ... can we just leave it because-"

"No. We cannot just leave it. You're freaking auditioning for Maria if I have to drag you there myself!" she jabbed her finger at my chest threateningly. Knowing Jenna, she actually would do what she'd just said - no hesitations.

Want to know why I wouldn't just woman up and audition for the role of my dreams? Easy, because I knew I just wasn't good enough. I'd handled rejection a couple of times in my first year at Mayday, when I auditioned for things such as Beauty and the Beast. I ended up playing the feather duster instead.

I didn't think I could handle not getting the role of my dreams - as bratty as that sounded. I couldn't go up to the cast list at the end of this week and not find my name on the top spot, but somewhere near the bottom. I decided I was just gonna ask Mr Bellamy if I could help out with costume and makeup or something, so I could observe from afar without getting hurt.

When I'd told Link privately in drama class this morning, he'd stared at me like I'd just offended his great ancestors or something. Even he was auditioning for Tony, the male lead, he'd stated.

"Please don't make me do this Jenna" I pleaded, looking at her with stricken eyes. Play it off like you're gonna cry Isla, just do that. She'll soften eventually.