Everything I Didn't Say

t w e n t y

TWENTY

I SET MY curlers down when I was finished (free from burn marks - success!). I glanced up into my dressing room mirror one last time.

Maybe the curls were too much? Link might notice I'd gotten properly dressed up ... oh well, I didn't really care. I was dressing up for this.

You didn't wear sweatpants and a ratty shirt for the night you might just seal the deal.

I eyed up my outfit approvingly. I'd picked it out yesterday night, with Jenna dropping reluctant hints through her screen on FaceTime. When I'd told her what I had planned she'd been very against the idea - especially after the speech she'd made in Biology. I'd ignored her as she'd said things such as "you didn't listen at all, did you?" and "you're going to regret this" and "it's not right."

I'd picked my items of clothing very carefully when going through my wardrobe. I'd finally settled on a short black pencil skirt, black tights, a white blouse and an orange cardigan buttoned at the front for a pop of colour. A lot of it would be easy to take off, when the time came.

I've had this night planned since the beginning of this week. One night at dinner Mom announced that, for this weekend, she was going to travel down to Iowa to stay with Aunt Mercy for a couple of days because she needed her help with something involving a broken window and somebody trying to sue her. I seized the chance, knowing it'd just be me and Xavier in the house this weekend, and asked Link over.

Throughout this week at school, all I could notice was Jared. I saw him everywhere, saw him ignoring me blatantly and throwing disappointed glances in my direction whenever he could. This drove me closer and back into Link's embrace. Every day he gave me more reasons to be with him and stop thinking about Jared. So I invited him to come over to my house to hang out on Saturday night. Of course, like the caring boyfriend he was, he agreed to keep me company (as I'd suggested). But I had a few other ideas of how tonight might go down.

I'd given this a lot of thought this past week and honestly, I wasn't really feeling like I was ready to lose my V card just yet. But then I saw Jared with Abby yesterday and that just pushed me over the edge of my indecisiveness. Had he and she been together in that way? They had a history I was guessing, so probably.

I couldn't get that image out of my head the whole of last night and it only succeeded in me shedding a few uncontrollable tears into my pillow and making me even more determined to get it over with.

I mean, it wasn't like I was doing this for revenge because I wasn't. And it wasn't like I was doing it with someone I'd never met before or anything. I knew Link, we were friends and we'd been in a steady(ish) relationship for two months. I knew he wouldn't be an asshole about it all - and he wasn't the type to go blab about it afterwards either. I trusted him, which was all I really wanted for when I lost my virginity.

I hadn't told Mom I was inviting Link over; I'd just mentioned flippantly I might invite a friend over to watch some movies. She'd nodded distractedly as she'd got in her car last night, hyper from the energy drink she'd consumed to keep her awake for the drive. She probably thought I meant Jenna.

"Isla, can you come down a second?" Xavier suddenly called.

"One minute!" I quickly applied sheer lip-gloss and then I was done. I barrelled downstairs and into the sitting room at the speed of light. He was spread out on the sofa, long legs dangling over the arm, holding the remote in one hand.

Xavier had been quiet about the revelation he'd told me last night, so I expected he didn't want to discuss it a second time. I didn't blame him; it wouldn't be fair to put him through the misery again by bringing it up accidentally.