The Fae Book 2: Burr and Daisy

Chapter 21: Crush My Heart

There are things in your life that you spend so much time hoping for that they eventually become nothing more than impossible, but cherished, dreams. Some dreams hold your ambitions, some dreams provide hazy visions for your future, and some dreams are simply desperate wishes that will never be granted -- no matter how many times you throw a penny in a fountain or blow out your birthday candles. Certain dreams are just never meant to become real, and yet you hold onto them because they represent something so beautiful that just thinking about them can brighten your life and bring comfort and peace...not to mention intense longing.

And despite yearning hopelessly for those dreams, you learn to hold them quietly, carefully in your heart and go about your daily life. They become part of you, held in that secret place deep inside that you visit only when you're alone. You can pretend, just for a few minutes, that the dream came true and lose yourself in the bittersweet what if before carefully putting the dream away until you have another moment of weakness.

Oberon had long ago been relegated to impossible dream status. For years, I'd loved that man and had hoarded every glance, every smile, every word from him like a miser hoarding his pennies. My breathing hitched every time he smiled and said hello. My heart soared every time he said my name or said more than five words to me. He was the man I loved and wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

When he'd had sex with me the first time, I'd thought all my wishes were coming true. After all those years of loving him from afar, Oberon had sought me out.

And then...I found out I was wrong. But the dream was alive, maybe just breathing a little raggedly.

The second time he'd had sex with me, I knew that it meant something because he'd come back to me.

Only to be crushed once again. The dream was still alive, but now it was gasping for breath.

Hearing him trashing me to Nan? I felt my dream take its last breath and die.

No longer was there anything to hold onto, no more hope, no more wishing.

It was all gone.

So doing the only thing I knew how to do, I stepped over the remains of my dream and moved ahead. 

Dreamless. Temporarily defeated but unwilling to stay that way for long.

And now, here was Oberon, offering me his love, telling me he loved me, about to make my dreams come true...but his words and actions sat between us like an impenetrable wall.

Was it too late, like he feared? Could I ever believe this man now loved me, a woman he'd disparaged brutally and treated like a random hookup? Twice?

You know I need someone worthy to stand beside me. A woman who's beautiful, intelligent, elegant, regal. Daisy doesn't even come close. She's absolutely nothing special to look at, has a little too much padding around the edges and she barely made it through high school. Not even close to good enough wife material for me. I need a queen, not a damn cook. Hell, even if I was desperate, I still wouldn't settle for Daisy. It'd be like breeding a thoroughbred with a donkey.

"I don't believe you," I said, trying to keep my voice steady, trying not to say the hell with it, I can live with your lies as long as I have you, Oberon. How many of us women were willing to live with a lie just to pretend we had our dream?

The thought of having our little boy growing up in a two-family home was like offering me everything I'd ever wanted. I wanted a husband -- specifically, Oberon -- I wanted a safe, happy home in which to bring up our child or, possibly, children. I'd cut back on the hours I worked at the bakery because I didn't want to miss my children growing up like both of my parents had, like my aunt had. I wanted my children secure in the knowledge that I loved them more than anything, that I'd never use them as pawns in a vicious game of keep-away.