NoPixel Oneshots [discontinued]

Picking Up The Pieces - Tommy T

Something about us never felt complete, I don't know if it's the way I overthink or the way that you act but I can't help feeling like all you can think about is her. Her long pink hair that cascaded down her shoulders, with that gorgeous smile that she would flaunt as she saw us. I could see why you wanted her, she was perfection. I wish I was more like her, but do you feel the same? Looking in the mirror, I can't help but compare my every imperfection to her flawless body. Am I too loud? Do I act too crazy? Do you wish it was her standing by your side not me? Am I the one that's holding all the pieces together until she's back?

You smile at me, patiently waiting for me to stop combing through my hair, attempting to place my brunette locks the same way as her. All I wanted was you, but you only seem to want her. Your eyes were no longer red, the give away sign that you had been in your mind thinking about her and everything you had together. I have never known you cry in all the time I've known you, unless it was related to her. Your boys have been in ICU, even when you had the struggles back home and still a tear never fell from your eye. But her, Lana, she was more than enough to break you.

"Robyn, are you ready?" I heard you pull me back out of my trance. I quickly wiped the tear that had escaped my eye as I turned from the mirror. Mascara slightly ruined but I didn't care, we were only going to chill with the boys and her.

"As ready as I'll ever be, you good?" I plastered my face with the fake smile that was becoming too frequent. No one seemed to understand that it was me that was hurting. He nodded slowly as he opened the door of the apartment for me to walk out of first. The sunlight gleaming down on the pool outside, I stepped out only to be embraced by Moses. He always knew I was struggling, and as much as he tried, he knew there was nothing he could say. I couldn't explain to him, I couldn't explain to anyone. I didn't want them to know that you clearly still wanted her and I didn't want them to know that I kept clinging on to us hoping that one day you would love me.

The day was spent with the boys, you ran off with Adam, SK and Matt. The four of you always laughing and joking around. It felt good to see you smiling and happy, I just wish that it was me that made you feel that way. Meanwhile, I was with Moses and Patar, they tried their best to pull me out of the ditch that I had found myself in. It's hard to smile when I'm constantly asking myself if this is worth it.

"What's going on in that little head of yours? You know Mosely always has time for you!" I heard Moses speak softly as he placed his arm around my shoulders and pulled me into a sideways hug. I tried to hold the tears back, knowing that the second they would fall I wouldn't be able to stop.

"Call me crazy, but do you think he cares?" I shrugged glumly. The words getting caught in my throat as I spoke. I didn't want to think about this but I needed to speak to someone, Moses felt like the best person. "Like, do you think he's just using me to try and forget about Lana? Is it actually me he sees or is he just pretending I'm her?"

"It's not like he doesn't see her though, she's still around us. She's part of the gang Robyn, you know that." Patar sighed, he could see how broken I was. At least these boys cared about me. "Exactly, I'm just the girlfriend, actually am I even that? I'm just the girl that's at his apartment. We've never been official. She's his ex, she's a gang member. She's everything I'm not..." the tears finally broke through my lashes as they fell to the floor.

"Robyn, come on missy. You know how much you mean to him?" Moses replied. I couldn't reply, words no longer escaping my lips. All I could do was sniffle as the tears kept coming. I felt more arms pull me into a tighter embrace, I didn't care for whose they were. The comfort I felt in the tightness of the embrace was enough to slow the steady stream from my eyes.

"Is everything okay? What's happened?" I heard the familiar voice as I slowly pulled back into reality. I glanced up through my wet lashes to see you with her not far behind you. As I looked into your eyes, I saw your heart break just as quick as mine. You could tell what I was thinking, you knew all my concerns and fears had been confirmed. "Robyn, you okay girl? I don't wanna see those tears falling from your pretty face!" Lana pouted as she knelt down next to me. At this point, my heart had well and truly broken. How could the perfect girl I'm so jealous of be so kind to me?

"I don't think you're exactly..." I heard you speak before I spat out. "Maybe thinking is your problem T. And honestly Lana, I've been better but you know how it is." I could feel Moses' stare burning through my side. He was worried I was going to say something I'd regret but he should know me better than that. I saw Lana's face soften as she pushed the boys aside to place her manicured hands on my knees. The warmth radiating from her face, the butterflies slowly leaving my stomach. I had never spent any time with the 'one who walked away', I was always to scared that I would find more things that made her your perfect match. I watched as her mouth moved, words escaping yet nothing translated in my brain. She could have been singing a song for only angels to hear, she could have been calling me all the names under the sun. It didn't matter as her beauty and love continued to radiate through her piercing eyes. I could see why you loved her, why you probably still do. She really was the most beautiful energy to walk on the earth.

"Let's go in, away from all the eyes?" I heard her angelic voice whisper as she pulled me up to my feet. Mesmerised by her grace, she led me into your apartment, I would have said our apartment but that feels far too forward, especially when there were so many memories of you and her around. I wonder if they were the reason you still think of her.

I felt the impulse to clean around, something about the building anxiety and the fear that I wasn't enough pushed my hands to start rearranging the living room. "Does this help?" I heard Lana comment behind me, watching as I picked up the empty vase you often filled with flowers for me. "I guess." I mumble as I find a pile of Polaroid pictures just hiding behind an ornament. "If my hands are busy, then my brain is busy. Can't think about all these ridiculous ideas if I'm busy." I start to sort through the photos, memories of previous parties spring to mind. I see ones of all the boys, smiling with joints in hands, another of you and Adam mid conversation. Your eyebrows were knitted together, it was clearly an intense moment but you looked so handsome, like a true leader.

"Whatcha thinking about that's getting ya down?" She stepped towards me, glancing at the photos in my hand. I start to pass them to her as I think how to word my answer. I can feel her gaze on my cheek as the second pass by, feeling more like hours. "You'll call me stupid. I am being stupid." I sulked as I turned to a photo of you and her. I've never seen a smile so big on your face, you're basically gleaming. The two of you looked like the perfect couple, I never deserved you. "Can I ask something?" I sigh as I pass her the photo of you two, a tear slowly forming in my eye. I see her nod confidently, something else about her I wish I had. "Do you wish... do you..." the words didn't want to leave my mouth, fear of looking a fool and fear of hearing something I didn't want to. I took a deep breath and bit the bullet, "do you wish things were how they used to be? Do you regret leaving Tommy?" I exhaled heavily, I finally gained the courage to look Lana in the face. Her expression showed nothing but shock, she looked stunned by my question. All I could think was that she did miss it.

"Robyn, Tommy and I... we wasn't right. He means the world to me, of course he does, and he's still my leader, but I promise you." Her hands clasped around my face. Her eyes filled with intent and trust. "I promise that him and I are done. Nothing will ever happen." Her hands stayed on my face and I nodded and sobbed. My emotions finally breaking. "Does he know that?" I managed to say as the tears fell heavily.

"Yes, of course he does. He knew that the second we split. Robyn, look at me!" She lifted my head up, forcing me to lock eyes with her. "He adores you, he's just not good at this emotion thing. Give him time, and trust him. That's two pieces of advice I'd give you. You can't rush Tommy Tate."