The Love I First Denied [Anhane]

"I'll miss you An.." Chapter 5

At this point I now realize I'm physically out of control, I throw the notes on the floor and start crying my eyes out...my vision is blurry and my ears are ringing...I feel like I've been stabbed in the heart hundreds of times nonstop and I just want it to end...I already figured out my feelings but...now it's become more clear...I love her more than I could possibly imagine...knowing that she loves someone else beings so much pain to me, tears are constantly flowing out of my eyes and I'm struggling to breathe...why did I have to find this feeling...? I should've just left it in the back of my mind, undiscovered.

I hear a voice in the distance.

"Hey Dad! Is Kohane still here?!"

"Yeah she's in the room."

"Okay thanks!!"

Shit she's coming this way..not sure why but my first instinct was to jump back into the bed and pretend to be asleep...I didn't want her seeing my eyes so I made sure to keep them covered with the blanket. I make it just in time as she swung open the door.

"hey...oh she went back to sleep, ehe" She says as she proceeds to slide onto the bed.

"Looks like she saw my note, hopefully she didn't find the ending too weird or out of place..."

Out of place...what could she mean by that?...I hear typing on her phone then a light buzz and she starts talking.

[An's phone call in Kohane's POV]

"Heyy, how are you doing?"

"I'm doing well thanks but uhm I was wondering if you could help me with something..it's major!!"

"Mmhm yes, remember what I was telling you about the girl? I was thinking about confessing to her on Friday but I wasn't too sure how to go about it..ooo you have an idea? Send it!!"

"Oh my god- I think that'd be such a cute idea! This is exactly why I come to you for these things..maybe I'll make it a mystery type thing and surprise her with flowers!!"

"Cool, thank you so much! see you later Mizuki!"

[End of An's call]

Oh is that right? An's gonna confess to her crush on Friday..ehe...I figured something like this was going to happen but...why so soon..? Now I have to live with the fact that my best friend...my crush likes someone else....I regret these feelings, I regret having feelings, WHY COULDN'T I JUST BE EMOTIONLESS....then I wouldn't have to feel the pain I'm currently facing...The tears begin forming again but this time I knew I had to desperately stop them and quick..she's sitting right beside me so she'll notice quick but it's too late..I had already caught her attention..I know that because she had started to pull the blanket off my face.

"K-Kohane? Are you alright?"

I continued to pretend to be asleep and attempted to pull the blanket back but she fully pulled it back and grabbed my face, tapping on my cheek to wake me up.

"Hey...hey it's okay I'm here.." she reassured me as she pulled me closer to her. She hugged me and I want to say that her hug took my pain away but if anything it did the opposite, knowing that I'd eventually loose the right to hug her...she fact she'll start to hug some other girl...it caused me to start crying even more..

"There there...bad dream huh?" Her voice was so gentle compared to my broken, constantly cracked whimpers.

"y-yeah..you could say that" I replied, trying to keep my composure.

"Do you want to talk about it?..." She asked me as she pulled my hair out of my face.

"I-I don't know...."

"It's okay...you don't have to talk about it..but just know that it's okay..you can talk to me anytime.." She reassured me yet again and I couldn't help but just go for another hug...who knows when this is gonna be my last...

"An....what if I..."

"Hmm?" She looked back at me, her smile is so beautiful...I'm glad to have someone like her in my life...I can't loose her but I just can't figure out the words..

"I've just been going through quite a bit and..." I stopped myself..this was a terrible idea...she already has plans on confessing to her other I can't just go and destroy things for her but at the same time, it'd be better to just say it now then once she's in a committed relationship but...

She pulls me closer and I swear I nearly blacked out..she then placed her head on my shoulder and just hugs me for what felt like a century..

"Take your time..remember I'll be here for you, always." I couldn't help but pull her back and just look at her..just look into her beautiful face, her beautiful amber eyes, I drown in her scents and looks and place my head on her chest..she begins to rake out my hair with her hands, no words were said after that..we just held each other..I listened to her heartbeat..it soothed me..I've never felt so much relief in my life...she's such an amazing person...I want to start crying again but just being like this..with her...it makes me so relaxed...happy...I don't want to break away..I don't want her to leave me...just to stay here and never move...for her to keep playing with my hair and for me to listen to her heartbeat...I felt so weak and vulnerable until she came along, who knows what I would've became if I didn't walk into that place..

Her phone started ringing so I started to pull away but she pulled me back and put the phone on silent.

"A-aren't you going to answer?" I questioned.

"That doesn't matter, I could always message later..." An replied before continuing to play with my hair, placing her head back on mine and mine on her chest...she placed the phone screen side down so I was unable to see who was calling..surely if it was someone important, she would've rushed to pick it up..It's not like I cared much..being back in this position was so comforting to me...I aswell had started playing with her hair..she maintains it well...my god I love this girl way too much... there's just one thing roaming my mind...that girl....perhaps I should just accept it and enjoy this last moment....

"I'll miss you An.."

[Story Word Count: 1121]