Roman Holiday

Clouds

They spent the day swimming and eating and lazing around in the sun.  It was, to all intents, perfect.  Tom had discovered this little cove while exploring on a previous trip and knew one day he would share it with someone special. Today was that day.

Picnic eaten and champagne drunk, they lay and talked about nothing and everything. Jess rolled onto her stomach as she lay beside him, tickling his nose with a long stem of grass as he dozed peacefully.

"Oi Miss I'm trying to relax here" he said in mock protest, eyes still closed.  He reached out a hand and grabbed her, pulling her close. "You're going to pay for that later" he growled in her ear and her insides melted into hot lava.

"mhmm?" she laid her head on his chest "I'm counting on it!" then she launched into tickling him mercilessly as he squirmed and tried to get up. She scrambled to her feet and made to run away but he was too quick for her, grabbing her ankle and pulling her back by the leg.  Sitting up he got a better grip and before she knew it, she was prostrate on the sand, Tom sitting on top of her tickling her with even less mercy than she had shown him.

"Oh my Pet" Loki hissed "You should know me better than that...  I am a God you beautiful Midgardian" he paraphrased one of his most famous lines and Jess stopped laughing and just looked at him.

"You may be a God but you need your eyes tested" she said softly "I may be a lot of things, but I'm not beautiful." she genuinely meant it. Even now, she couldn't bring herself to believe she could be that.  It had been said too many times as a lie.  A tear formed in her eye and ran down her cheek.

Tom stopped and sat back, moving so she could sit up. "Why are you crying?  What have I said wrong love? " he was at a loss.  

"He - Graeme - said it all the time when we'd argued, when we wanted something - when he wanted to keep me close so he could..." she trailed off, realising she was spoiling the moment. "I'm so sorry Tom.  Seems I'm not quite there yet am I?" She looked up at him and tried to smile.

"Oh sweetheart" he hugged her tight "I'm so sorry.  I just didn't know.  Today has been so wonderful and you have looked so happy.  It's the little things isn't it?  It's ok, you'll - we'll - get there." he pulled back and they looked at each other for a moment.  

"Jess" he said softly, tipping her face up to his "Jess, there's something I have to tell you.." he paused and for once in his adult life felt as scared as a five year old "I - I think I'm - " he was silenced by her hand on his mouth.

"No, please. No. " she shook her head, her face clouded with regret.  She couldn't hear it.  Not that she didn't feel it too, oh god she felt it, but she was terrified in saying it that she would lose everything.  Again.  He wasn't Graeme she knew that, but he was TOM HIDDLESTON.  And TOM HIDDLESTON, no matter what he may think he felt, couldn't possibly be in love with her.  Not her, ordinary, damaged her. She couldn't go through it again.  Couldn't lose all over again.

Tom's face fell as she stood up and walked away to the edge of the water, head bowed.  He scrambled to his feet and followed her, grabbing her hand and turning her to face him.

"I'm going to say it Jess whether you want to hear it or not. I can't help how I feel.  I know you feel it too, I just do.  Don't tell me how, or why, but we are meant to be together. Yes, I know you have been lied to and I get it.  Believe me, I get it. But I NEED to say it. I need you to know that this time it can be different." he grasped both her hands now and she looked at their feet as the waves lapped over them.  "look at me Jess." his voice was firm but kind.  Slowly she looked up and met his gaze.  

"Oh Tom" her breath left her as she saw the look on his face. It was everything she could ever have dreamed of, yet somehow she was afraid.  Afraid to trust.  Herself if not him.  

"Jess Munroe, I love you."  he went down on both knees in the sand and the sea, looking up at her. "It's been less than 2 days and I know I love you.  I have never met anyone like you. I know I never will.  I love you and there's nothing you can do about it. Let me love you?" he looked at her, eyes pleading.

Something inside of her clicked and she realised that if she threw this away, she would have let Graeme win.  She had to try. She had to trust herself.  She nodded and smiled.

"Ok seems a wholly inadequate response, under the circumstances," she said, "but ok.  We - I - can try. Try to forget the past, try to live in the now and try to believe in us." she pulled him up to stand. "Let's go home and try some more there?" she blushed and he smiled, his eyes twinkling.

"Oh darling, we can try as much as you want, after all God loves a trier!" they laughed and he kissed her, dragging her bottom lip between his as he let go.  "You taste divine my Pet" Loki murmured and Jess batted her lashes at him coyly.

"Oh my Prince, you flatter me" she simpered, playing along.

"I'll do more than that when we get home Pet" he winked and pulled her up the beach "Let's go".

Ten minutes later they were in the car and heading back to Rome.  Jess looked across at Tom and smiled, this time there was no raucous shouting and waving, this time she was quiet and thoughtful.  Was she doing the right thing?  Should she let him get involved with someone like her?  Someone as damaged as her?  He was an adult after all, ok, a man-child sometimes, but an adult most of the time.  He had been burned just like her so he should know better than most how she felt. To hell with it she decided.  Life was too short to second guess everything.

Life was far too short.

She turned back and settled for a nap in the sun as they drove.  She was just drifting off when there was a blare of a horn, a very loud curse and a screech of brakes and a bang.  Then nothing.  Nothing but blackness and hissing and moaning. Her moaning.

Opening her eyes, all she could see was sky.  All she could hear was hissing.  Her head hurt and she was aware she wasn't upright.  A man's face appeared above her, a man in a police uniform.

"You're ok" he said in a heavy accent "there's been an accident, you are hurt but you'll be ok. Don't move, please" he put a gentle hand on her shoulder as she tried to sit up. "No please, we need to wait for the ambulance"

"T-Tom..." she started to say "Tom ?" she raised her voice "Where's Tom?" more frantic now, she grabbed the policeman's arm and almost screamed at him.

"Please, calm, please" he tried to remove her hand "you need to be calm" 

"NO! Where's Tom? TOOOMMMM?  " she thrust him off and despite the agonising pain in her side, she sat up.  Immediately she wished she hadn't.  As she turned to her left, she saw the wreckage of their lovely car, impaled on an old lorry that had taken the bend too wide as it approached.  The hissing was the steam from the radiator of that lorry.  

All that though, paled into nothing and she began to feel faint, the world around her fading to black as she saw him.

Tom lay on the ground not 10 feet away, a second policeman kneeling over him.  His eyes were closed, his face a pale mask.  He wasn't moving, he didn't even look like he was breathing.  He had no obvious injuries, just a small cut on his forehead. But he looked... 

As unseen hands lifted her up and away on a stretcher, she couldn't finish the thought, all she could do was scream...