008: overthinking

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tw: BRIEF mention of overdose (its not serious like hospitalization serious)

Kuroo stared at Daishou before he suddenly grabbed his face and pressed their lips together. Daishou was in shock and didn't know what to do.

Does he kiss back, does he pull away, like, what is he supposed to do?

He's leaning heavily towards 'kiss back' since this is most definitely an 'in the moment' thing, and definitely a 'once-in-a-lifetime' thing. So, he grabbed Kuroo's wrists and began to kiss back, Kuroo instantly melting into it.

He moved Kuroo's hands to his waist and he put his own hands on Kuroo's face.

Kuroo picked him up and Daishou wrapped his legs around Kuroo, Kuroo moving his hands to support Daishou by his thighs. He pushed Daishou's back against the lockers as they broke apart for a short moment for air before going right back to each other's lips.

Daishou felt like he could cry. This is something he's been dreaming about for ten years and it's finally happening. It may be in the moment, but fuck it, at least it's happening.

Kuroo, on the other hand, was freaking the absolute fuck out. Is this really happening? What does this mean for them? How is he supposed to react when this moment sadly comes to an end? Fuck, he doesn't want it to end. Daishou feels too perfect for his body, like he was meant to be there. His thighs fit perfectly in his hands, his body fit perfectly against his own, his hands fit perfectly on his face. Daishou was just... perfect. And Kuroo wished he could have this perfection with him forever.

Unfortunately for both of them, the moment had to end. "Hey, you two are late," someone said, startling Kuroo and Daishou away from each other and making them look in the person's direction. The hall monitor. "Get to class," she said, then turned around and walked away.

Kuroo and Daishou looked back at each other and Kuroo let go of Daishou's thighs, Daishou landing on his feet while holding onto Kuroo's shoulders. "Um..." Daishou said, staring at Kuroo as he stared back.

"I don't regret what I just did," Kuroo said suddenly, making Daishou blink in shock. "But, I do feel.. weird about it. Like I shouldn't have done it."

"Oh.." Daishou said sadly, looking down at the ground.

"It has nothing to do with you," Kuroo said, lifting Daishou's chin. "I promise it's me. I feel like I didn't deserve to do what I did. Because you are so much better than me, and you deserve better than me. Daishou, you are such an amazing person, and I failed to see that for an entire decade. I don't deserve you. You need someone better," Kuroo said. Daishou had tears streaming down his face. What Kuroo just said was.. beautiful. But, he can't agree with it.

Daishou grabbed Kuroo's other hand and cupped his own face with it, leaning into his hand. "I don't want someone better. I want you. Even if I were to find someone 'better,' they won't be you, and I won't be happy. I told you that I would love you forever and ever, and I meant that. I waited a decade for you, and I'll keep waiting, even if it hurts me."

Now, Kuroo was crying. Daishou.. really does love him. Fuck, why does he love him? He's so much better than Kuroo, he shouldn't love someone like him, especially after the way he's treated him. He shouldn't lower his standards just for someone like Kuroo, who can't do anything but hurt him.

"I want to be better for you.." Kuroo whispered, his voice breaking.

"You're fine how you are, Kuroo."

"No, I'm not. There's something wrong and I don't know what it is.." Kuroo said, looking at Daishou sadly. "It's this voice that tortures me whenever I do something nice to you, and I hate it. It gets so bad that I basically have to overdose just to get it to shut up. How am I supposed to know that I won't snap at you out of frustration that wasn't even your fault?"

"It's totally up to you, but have you tried therapy? It might be able to help you figure out what caused it. I'm perfectly fine with how you are, but if it pains you so much, then maybe you should try therapy."

Kuroo studied Daishou's face before he looked down at the ground. "Are you really okay with how I am?" Daishou smiled softly and leaned up to kiss Kuroo's nose.

"I wouldn't have you any other way."

Kuroo looked back up into Daishou's eyes and stared, leaning back in and connecting their lips once again. He wrapped his arms around Daishou's waist and Daishou wrapped his arms around Kuroo's neck.

Once Kuroo got a taste of Daishou's lips the first time, he couldn't get enough. He loves everything about him and wants to keep him forever, but the banshee is making that fantasy near impossible. Why does it have to be so strong? Or more, why does Kuroo have to be so weak? He wants Daishou, so much more than he's admitting to, but he doesn't feel worthy of him.

Even if Daishou says he'll love him how he is, does he really mean that? What if he's just saying that to make Kuroo even weaker than he already is?

Well, now he knows he's losing it, because Daishou isn't that kind of person, unlike him. He's been putting up with his shit and still loving him for a decade.

Kuroo doesn't deserve this. He doesn't deserve Daishou's love. He doesn't deserve Daishou's kiss. He doesn't deserve Daishou's touch. He doesn't deserve Daishou's patience. He doesn't deserve Daishou. He's too perfect, and he's too... not.

"Hey!" the hall monitor yelled, scaring Daishou and Kuroo away from each other once again. "Get to class! You can canoodle later!" She shook her head and walked away.

Kuroo and Daishou looked at each other and laughed nervously. "I guess we better do what she says this time," Daishou said.

"Yeah," Kuroo said, letting go of Daishou's waist even though he wanted to hold on forever. Daishou took his arms from around Kuroo's neck and smiled, walking away to his class. Kuroo dropped his head and sighed. Suddenly, his head was picked up and a kiss was planted on his lips. When the person pulled back, he saw that it was Daishou.

Daishou smiled again. "Sorry, I wanted to," he said, then he walked away for real this time.

Kuroo watched him with a shocked expression. He looked down at the ground, his shocked expression still on his face. "Holy shit.." he whispered, combing his hand through his hair as he put his back against the lockers and slid down.

He doesn't know how many times he's thought this, but Daishou truly does love him. He put his hands on his head and rested his chin on his knees.

Congratulations, bitch boy, you finally accepted you love him. Too bad for you, though, I won't make this longing easy for you. You know he isn't yours, right? No matter how much you say you want him to be yours forever, it'll never happen.

Kuroo laughed airily. "I'm aware of that. He says he'll love me forever, but you and I both know I'll eventually fuck up and he'll leave me. So, until then, please let me be stingy with him.."





...

WOOOO I FINALLY GOT A CHAPTER OUT

APOLOGIES IT TOOK SO LONG I WAS WORKING ON MY ONE/SMUTSHOTS BOOK A LOT AND TRYING TO WORK ON OTHER STORIES 😔

ANYWAYS ITS HERE AND UNFORTUNATELY ITS A SHORT CHAPTER SO ¯\_()_/¯

keya <3

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