Lost And Found

57

   Youn cremated, i still couldn't accept it. I was crying too much while talking Infront, sa unahan ay ang abo ni Youn na naka lagay sa mamahaling kahon

There are a lots of teacher, students and classmate,  nasa unahan si Young naka upo kasama ang mga anak niyang naka tuxedo rin

It feels incomplete, i was trying to calm down but i couldn't

Iyak nang iyak ang tatlo habang nasa unahan ako, hawak ang mic at kine kwento ang nangyari at kakulitan ng anak kong iyon. The school held an event, for the blessing and for his soul.

Walang nag hanap ng ibang anak... It's only my son.. He's only the victim. Young still blaming himself, in the past 3 days, he didn't talk to me, he only played with his children.. But the only different, it was fake.. It was really a fake.

He is trying to smile Infront of his sons, even i know that he want to cried loudly.. Even i know that he is damn hurt

"My Youn... Is a good boy.. He i-is the leader in 4 of them.. H-he was adorable .."my voice cracked, couldn't handle my voice anymore

" H-he was the bravest.. He used to protect me all the time... Siya ang nagpapa sunod sa tatlo, siya palagi ang nauunang mag salita.. I love him, i love my Youn v-very much.. So i still couldn't a-accept that he wasn't h-here anymore..." ny voice become more broke, the tears on my eyes continued falling, i was hurt.. Very hurt.. I am hurting, more.. More.. And very more.

I was in pain so much to the point that i want to give up also.. Pero may anak pa ako, may anak pang natitira ako. May tatlo pa ako.

"I r-remember b-back them.. He was the one who is super masungit among t-them.. He has the most c-cutest smile and the m-most judgemental..." i laugh while still crying

"B-but he was the most helpful one... Kapag nakikita n-niya ako nag luluto.. Mag re representa na siya na bumili n-ng ganito at ganiyan sa l-labas... And.. And.. He's favorite food are chicken, he loves to eat that.. Lalo n-na yung balat..." napa takip ako sa mukha, suddenly remember how soft him to me, how soft my Youn to me

" B-but even.. Even.. He loves so much the chicken.. Nung H-hindi ako natirhan.. Hinati niya y-yung manok niya... Y-youn.. If you hearing this.. Your mom is sorry for giving a dissapointment in y-your life.. You are the best s-son to me... You always make me smile in t-that moment i want to cry... N-naging sandalan kita.. Isa ka sa n-naging sandalan ni Mama.. "mas lalo pa akong humagulgol, walang awat at hindi alam ang gagawin.. Napa kasakit

Bakit ang sakit-sakit?

" I-ikaw ang anak ko.. Na mahal na mahal ko.. Mahal na mahal k-ko kayong a-apat.. Young...gusto ko masaksihan ang p-pag laki mo.. I want that Y-young.. Pero binawi ka kaagad ki M-mama.. Binawi ka sakin Youn.. Youn! Youn! What should i do youn? I w-want you to run on my arms again.. I b@dly want to hear your voice calling me M-momma again.. " my voice but this time.. It wasn't just  my voice broke..But my heart also...  I am also.. I am broke also.

  "He was my son.. My Youn.. My only one Youn..." i cried harder, humawak ako sa mesa nang nanginig ang aking buong katawan

Agad akong napa Luhod at nag wala, sumigaw-sigaw at pilit na pinapabalik ang anak rito

Agad akong dinaluhan ng mga lalaki upang pakalmahin, tinulak ko ang mga akmang lumalapit sakain, pina tumba ko ang mga upuan at nag sisitalon while calling for Youn name

I don't want this.

"Youn bakit ganito! Bakit g-ganito kasi!" i cried more and more.. I was pain harder and harder

Napa hawak ako sa tenga, My visual got more blurry.. I want my Youn back.

Nag siiyakan ang tatlo, habang naka tingin sakin, Young is trying to calm his son but he couldn't. Mas Lalo lang silang humagulgol.

'Don't go tonight
Stay here one more time
Remind me what it's like, oh~'

I shouted and shouted... And immediately run for my Youn, niyakap ko ng mahigpit ang kaniyang kinalalagyang kahon, Tumingala ako.. Bakit ang sikip-sikip?

'And let's fall in love one more time
I need you now by my side
It tears me up when you turn me down~'

My Youn, my baby.. Come back here.. I want to feel again your Love anak.. You mommy is sad.. I don't want to let go you.. Not yet baby.. Not yet please...

'I'm begging please, just stick around
I'm sorry, don't leave me, I want you here with me~'

Mas lalo pa akong tumalon-talon, umiyak-iyak habang nagka gulo na sa ibaba, My three kids is now crying Hysterically, Tita Avelina got unconscious, Reign is asking for help.. I don't know what to do.. I just cried there.. And waited for my Youn.. I need my son here now.. I need my baby now...

Pag umiiyak ako, palaging may Youn na nagpapa tahan sakin , may Youn na papangiti saakin, may Youn akong anak na mag papasaya saakin.

'I know that your love is gone
I can't breathe, I'm so weak, I know this isn't easy
Don't tell me that your love is gone~'

Baby i know that you are not here anymore.. Your love isn't here anymore.. I will never feel you love anymore.. But maybe.. I want you back.. I want you back my Young

Without you, this will not be easy for me

Without you my son, I am weak and wreck.

"Y-youn! Youn! Please youn.. Youn.. Youn..." i put my cheeks on the box, i want my son here... I want him now.

"Y-youn.. Kailangan ka ng Mama.. Wag mo iwan ang Mama" garalgal kong sabi.. Neverminding the commotion Infront of me

My three son cried more as i began shouting again, inunyog untog ko ang aking ulo habang may humahawak sakaing balikat

Anak, pasensya. Mahina ang mama.

'That your love is gone
I'm sorry, don't leave me, I want you here with me
I know that your love is gone~'

Anak, kailangan ka pa rin ng Mama. Anak, gusto pa rin kita hagkan at damhin kung paano ka mag mahal.

'I can't breathe, I'm so weak, I know this isn't easy~'

My young.. My baby.. My love... My only one Young, this will not be easy... I know that from this day, my life will be messy... You are not with me anymore,  and it was hurt.... Facing something that i don't want to accept.. You are gone, My Youn is gone.. But can you visit me even in my dream man lang? Baby.... I will miss how you love your Moma.. From this day, i will live my life without you.. My Youn.