A Straight Guy's Guide to Being Gay

Chapter 1

Theo grunted as he was slapped across the face by Britany Hollis, her acrylic nails scratching his cheek, too. She was easily the hottest, sexiest blonde in their entire school. Every girl wanted her beauty. Every guy wanted to fuck her.

Too bad she was a bitch.

She spun around with her head held high, swishing her hips in her skin tight green dress. Theo could still smell her flowery perfume as her heels clicked away, being absorbed into the massive swarm of people. Yes, she had slapped him in the middle of the hallway during school. And of course everyone saw. Some had recorded it on their phones, which he was sure he would see on Instagram later, but others kept with their day, the people who didn't give a shit about the popular crowd.

It didn't bother him. Theo was a "jock," according to stereotypes everyone said were wrong but still used. He played football and wore jeans and Air Forces with a backwards cap. He let his brown curly hair grow out long which was permanently squished down from wearing his hat 24/7. He strutted around the school like he owned the place, like the other guys did. He talked back to teachers and fucked around, like the other guys did. He slouched and cussed low and nasty words, like the other guys did. It wasn't something he wanted to do, it was just what he was supposed to do.

He rubbed his probably-red cheek. It stung, but he pretended it didn't. Theo grabbed his California Golden Bears (a football team) sweatshirt off of the floor where it had landed after Britany chucked it at him. She had said she hated him and said she would've kept the hoodie if it hadn't still smelled like him. She also said he cheated on her.

Lie.

Okay, so the story is he dated her. He, Theo Gannon, actually managed to pull Britany Hollis. But it didn't last long. Pretty soon, she had begun to realize how much of a loser he was. She hated the way he talked to her, like she was an object, and she thought he was stupid. In fact, her exact words were dumber than an extremely high and fucked up faggot. Yep, she was also homophobic.

But since he was a loser and since he was stupid, he let it slide. Seriously, how could he let a perfect masterpiece like her go? Yet, she decided to dump him, when really he hoped it would have ended the other way around.

He scratched his head and swaggered to his next class: calculus. He didn't know how he wasn't failing. He wasn't stupid, but he also wasn't the smartest kid ever. Academically, Theo did alright, but he relied on his football skills to get him into college.

Mr. Bray greeted him as he came in late.

"Mr. Gannan, reason for being late?" he inquired over the top of his round glasses.

"Britany broke up with me," he responded with a shrug. He was more disappointed than hurt.

Mr. Bray looked at him for a moment, then said with sarcasm dripping heavily, "Oh no, I really thought you two would make it together."

There was a chorus of laughter all around Theo, but he just shrugged again. It didn't make him embarrassed. Everyone knew he was a player. Mr. Bray turned to the board and asked the class to get out their homework from last night. Theo grabbed his paper. And a pen because he would probably have to correct the entire assignment.

He sighed, wishing that one day he could come into class and not have to cross out his entire assignment. A girl to his right leaned over and watched him rewrite an answer. She giggled.

"That one was the easy one. Are you sure you should be in this class?" she asked with a bat of her eyes. He was sure she was joking and trying to flirt, but honestly, picking and teasing was not what he considered flattery. So he flipped her off, and she flinched and leaned back in her seat with a scowl on her face.